Rambling Thoughts of a Southern Lady

It's The Day Before Valentine's Day!!!!

2012-02-13T04:21:00.001-06:00

Did Valentine’sDay sneak up on you too? I spent most oflast week making a Little Red Riding Hood costume for my oldest granddaughterand realized yesterday after it was done that Valentine’s Day is here! Are you celebrating with the obligatorydinner out, candy, flowers and a gift? The tab for all of this can easilybe several hundred dollars. Even if we weren’t in such terrible economictimes, I’d still question the validity of spending that kind of money for oneday.

Think aboutit. What makes the dinner out morespecial than any other dinner out? Theextra long wait times for a table and the over worked server? It’s the same thing with the candy. Does the heart shaped box make it tastebetter? Floral wholesalers raise theirprices which forces florists to raise their prices for Valentine’s Day. As far as the gift goes, I’ll give you thatone. Only if it’s a well thought out,useful gift that will be used and/or cherish and fits within your budget.

Soif we aren’t going to do the usual Valentine’s Day routine, what do we do? Do we just pretend that Valentine’s Daydoesn’t exist? Of course not! What we do is think about how we can make ita meaningful day without breaking the bank. Let’s start with dinner. If youabsolutely have to go out for dinner, go the day before or the day afterValentine’s Day. The wait time will be shorter and your server will be happier.

Dinnerout will cost $60 and up. The wait for atable will be long; your overworked server will be rushing you outso someone else can have your table. Cooking at home will cut that bill in half or more. Splurge on your favorite foodthat doesn't fit in the budget normally. Buy a pre-assembleddinner that all you have to do is put it in the oven. (I did a Google search for pre-assembled mealsand got several pages of results. If you’renot familiar with the concept, the store employees do all the prep work. All you do is assemble the meals.) We buy pre-assembled main dishes at Costco.

Candy,flowers, and gifts are all one topic for me. These should fit in your budget. No putting off the utility bill to buy agift! I know that not everyone shares my love of handmade items. Tome, handmade symbolizes agift from the heart. The giver took thetime to handcraft something special just for you. Not only are they giving you a gift, they aregiving you their talents, their time and their love.

100 Reasons I love you - Fun Cheap or Free

Theweb is full of wonderful handmade ideas for every occasion. One of my favoriteplaces for ideas is Pinterest. That’swhere I found these ideas for gifts you can make today! This first one, 100Reasons Why I Love You, is from Fun Cheap or Free. Center a photo in a Word document, make 4separate text boxes and fill them with words. Printon nice card stock; frame it and your done! (Don’t tell Bill but I think this is what he’sgetting.) Write down 52Reasons why I love you, glue each one to a playing card. Punch holes in each card and hold togetherwith paper rings. This could be a game for children or adults. Hide the cards throughout the house and have a card hunt!

Tater Tots and Jello

Here’sa fun idea that costs almost nothing. TaterTots and Jello has free printable Love Coupons. Use the ideasprovided or come up with some of your own. Either make a coupon bookletor tuck one in his lunch, coat pocket, under his pillow. Here’s anothertake on the idea at Mommyby Day… Crafter by Night. EverythingEtsy has links to 101 handmade Valentine’s Day ideas.

Ihope that this will help with your Valentine’s Day celebration. Remember that what counts is that however you celebrate, it isfrom your heart.

PS:Don’t forget to pick up things for next year later this week when it’s onclearance. It will make next year even more fun and frugal!

My Trip to the ER

2012-01-14T03:14:00.002-06:00

I’ve been “under the weather” with a sinus infection thathas plagued me since Thanksgiving. Ifinally gave up Monday and went to the doctor and got a “Sinus Cocktail” shotin the backside. Dang, did it hurt. The medicine going in actually hurt about 500times worse than the needle. I couldstill feel the medicine under the skin at the shot location for a couple ofhours. It was a pretty strange feeling. The shot kicked that infection to the curbquickly so it was worth the pain and strange feeling.

Since I’ve been sick through Thanksgiving and Christmas, ourhouse was a mess. I looked at Bill atone point and said how do hoarders stand it? I took over the guest room for my sewing room since the kids rarely comeand spend the night. It’s just easierfor us to go see them than for them to load up the kids and come here. One of them did come see us at Thanksgivingand another right after Christmas. Thatmeant pulling a good bit of my sewing stuff out of the room and into ourbedroom so we could open up the futon for them to sleep. So for the last 6 weeks we’ve had a pathwayfrom our bedroom door to each side of the bed and into the bathroom. It’s made me almost claustrophobic.

I hadplanned to get the house back in order this week, finish up some sewing, and do some meal planning. That didn’t happen.

In addition to the shot that knocked the sinus infectionout, I got a prescription for a new medication, Metformin. I had a horrible reaction to the new medication. Instead of the classic rash and itching, Iwas dizzy, felt weak as a kitten, went from having chills to sweating like Ihad been digging a ditch, all the color left my face and I was short ofbreath. I was nauseous. I had severe pain from my breast bone downinto my stomach. My first thought wasthat if I just sat down for a little while it would go away. That lasted about ten minutes (if that long). Honestly, I was scared. Really scared. I gave in and called Bill to come take me tothe ER. I had begun to wonder if I washaving a heart attack. I prayed almost constantly that God wouldn't let me die.

Going to the ER was as bad of an experience as what I was experiencingphysically. When we got to the ER, I wasin so much pain and was so weak that I couldn’t walk into the ER. Bill got a wheel chair and rolled me in. The attitude of the triage nurse should havebeen our first clue to go somewhere else but this was our ER of choice. We’ve both always received excellent carethere.

I’m not sure if he just didn’t want to be there or if hedidn’t want to be taking care of me. Sadly,so many in the medical profession still do not believe that Fibromyalgia is areal illness. When we named off mydiagnosis – Fibromyalgia, Myofascial Pain Syndrome, Sjogren’s Syndrome, ChronicFatigue Syndrome, Neuropathy and Severe Edema – the nurse looked at me like Ihad just said I was the Easter Bunny. When he looked at my list of medications, all sixteen of them, I becamethe Tooth Fairy as well. Both of us toldhim that two of the medications were new and I had only had one dose of each.

When I got into a room, the first thing my nurse said wasthat I had to stop breathing so fast. Her theory that she maintained the six hours we were there, was I washaving an anxiety attack and my dizziness was a result of how fast I wasbreathing. We both assured her that I’venever had an anxiety attack and that this wasn’t one. I was in a tremendous amount of pain andshort of breath from whatever was wrong. Every time she came in the room, she told meto slow my breathing down because I was hyperventilating. Every time she said that, I told her that my breathing was due to the pain. We told her multiple times that two of mymedications were new and I had only had one dose of each. It was also pretty obvious she thought I wasa drug seeker. Why would I come to theER for narcotics when I have prescriptions for two narcotics for my fibro pain? If I was there for drugs, why did I not askfor something for the pain? I was afraidto take anything because I didn’t want to mask the pain until I had adiagnosis.

The only shining star of my stay was the doctor who wasthankfully Fibro friendly. When Iexplained that the pain was nothing like my normal pain, he understood what Imeant. Bless his heart; I think that wasthe only thing he understood. As I wasdescribing my symptoms, including the feeling of my skin crawling, the look onhis face said he was confused. I lookedat him and said “this is making no sense is it?” He honestly said that it wasn’t but I was ata loss to know any other way to describe it. We told him that two of my medications were new and I had only had onedose of each.

While we were there I had a CT of my head, a CT of my chestand stomach, a chest x-ray, two sets of heart enzymes and blood work to checkmy kidneys, liver, and pancreas function. At no time did anyone address the possibility of a reaction to the twonew medications that I had only had one dose of each. I finally agreed to take pain medication and was given a second medication through my iv. Later I askedthe nurse what the second medicine was. She sputtered and finally said it was something for the nausea. We were very surprised to find out that it wasactually an anti-anxiety drug. Had theynot given us a sheet of the tests they had run and the medicine they gave me totake to my doctor, I would have never known what I was given.

When I was discharged, the doctor told us that he didn’tknow what was wrong but that he could assure us that it wasn’t lifethreatening. He never paid any attentionto us telling him that that two of my medications were new and I had only hadone dose of each. I was given prescriptions for pain medication and an anti-anxiety drug.

When we got home, I called our daughter and told her whathad happened. Her first comment was thatit was a reaction to the Metformin. Ourson-in-law had had problems with it.

The next morning Bill took me to see my nurse practitionerto follow up. I was in as bad of shapethen as I had been the day before. Shelooked over the lab results from the day before and said “it’s a reaction tothe Metformin”. By this time, I wasdehydrated because it had been over 24 hours since I could eat or drink. I could barely walk and was still in severe pain.

The staff quickly went to work and got me on oxygen to makeit easier to breathe. Labs weredrawn. They hooked me up to a bag afluids that not only hydrated me but helped to flush the Metformin from mysystem. We left there about two hourslater and I felt like a new person compared to what I did going in.

This all started Tuesday morning and it’s taken until todayfor me to get back to normal. I’m angryat the treatment I received at the ER. The administration of the hospital knows that I’m angry and I lookforward to the response to my letter. How hard would it have been for the doctor or the nurse to look upreactions to my new medications? Howmuch time and money would it have saved?

I think that it’s so sad that these “health careprofessionals” paid no attention to what I was saying. One of us would be telling the nursesomething or asking her a question and it was obvious that she wasn’t payingany attention to us. She had labeled meand diagnosed me within the first five minutes I was there.

I worked in a large ER for five years. I've seen first hand that this labeling happens for good reason many times. I know that it’s not just those ofus with chronic pain that it happens to. I know that it’s wrong but there’s not much we can do to change theminds of people that do this labeling. What I pray never happens as a result of this labeling is irreparabledamage to a patient’s body. Or worseyet, a death.

I’m thankful that my nurse practitioner was alert andimmediately recognized the problem. I’mafraid that she and the doctors she works with are part of the last of thehealth care professionals that care for their patients. I’m afraid of the results of the health carereform that will result in socialized medicine in our country. My day at the ER will become the norm insteadof the exception. How many people will not get the care they need because they are wrongly labeled? How many people willdie needlessly?

Happy Birthday Sarah Grace!

2012-01-09T07:13:00.001-06:00

Sarah Grace January 2007

My youngest granddaughter turned five today. (Oops, make that yesterday.) Sarah Grace was in a hurry to get here and didn't wait for the doctor to make it over from her office. So why should I be surprised that it's already been five years? She does everything in a hurry! LOL

Monica had the sweetest nurse setting everything up for delivery. This sweet nurse had only been on the OB floor for a couple of months and she'd never had a baby come before the doctor got there. The look on the nurse's face when she realized that she was going to deliver Sarah Grace was priceless. I wish we had gotten a picture of it. We did get a picture of the nurse holding Sarah Grace and took her a print of it so that she'd always remember the first baby she delivered (and of course I don't have a copy).

Here's me and our birthday girl when she was 10 months old.

Sarah Grace showing off her smile at her first dentist visit

Big sister Anna Katherine and Sarah Grace playing tea party/hairdresser.

It's amazing how much my granddaughters look alike. Of course, I can't put my finger on the pictures where they look almost like twins now that I want them.

It's even more amazing how much they look like their mom.

Here I am with their mom when she was about 7 years old. Don't you just love those big plastic frame glasses and the bandana? What were we thinking back then? LOL

I feel kinda of bad about leaving out the guys in the family. Here's a picture made on their annual outing to pick out pumpkins for their jack-o-lanterns.

I'm really proud of my daughter and son-in-law. They are great parents and do so much with the kids.They go camping with Jonathan's Cub Scout troop as a family and both of them take time on a regular basis to have lunch with each of the kids at school. To me it those little things that make for a wonderful, special childhood.

Where are my shoes????

2012-01-06T18:20:00.002-06:00

I've never been one to own a lot of shoes. It's probably because I've never been a girly girl. Instead of doing my hair and nails, I always preferred to be outside. All my life I've enjoyed fishing, camping and hunting. A pair of summer dress shoes and winter dress shoes for church, weddings and funerals have always been enough for me.

Now that I have severe edema, buying shoes and even wearing them has become problematic. I have one - yes I said one - pair of shoes that always fits no matter how swollen my feet are. And that one pair has disappeared. They have to be somewhere in the house but I've no idea where.

From People of Walmart.com

Today I went to Walmart in my house shoes. I say awful things about people who go out in public in their house shoes. But I couldn't go barefoot and it was a bit cold for flip flops assuming I could get them on. And at least I didn't wear my pajamas with my house shoes like this lady did. I had hoped to find a back up pair of shoes but no such luck.

These will be mine!!

My wonderful husband will be home shortly and we're planning to go out with friends. I refuse to go to dinner in my house shoes so I'm off to tear the bedroom apart. In case I don't find them, please keep an eye out for my black Crocs. They are the most comfortable shoes I've ever owned. They look much like this pair to the right. I just checked and the Crocs website has several pair on sale that will work. But I don't think they'll be here in time even with expedited shipping.

Tune in tomorrow to find out what kind of shoes I wore tonight!

Well, I had good intentions...

2012-01-05T13:19:00.000-06:00

I really did intend to follow my life change of blogging every day. What I didn't count on was coming down with the worse cold/sinus infection I've had in a very long time. Today is the first day I've felt like doing more that moving from the bed to the couch.

My guess is that this stuffy head and all over achy feeling started as allergies December 26 when we had Christmas with my in-laws. My sister-in-law still smokes after seeing her husband pass away from lung cancer. My mother-in-law lost half a lung to cancer. They don't believe that smoking causes cancer or that people are actually allergic to cigarette smoke or can get things like emphysema from second hand smoke. Since I'm both allergic and have fibromyalgia which causes a weak immune system, I always get sick when I'm around smokers.

My mom who never smoked a day in her life developed emphysema from sitting in a 30' x 30' office with 5 smokers. My son who is asthmatic, could not go to his other grandmother's apartment where she and his two uncles would sit around almost chain smoking. We kept an air cleaner going there and even with it, I've seen fresher air in bars. Seriously. There were windows that went all the way across the living room so there was great natural lighting. When you walked in the door, you could literally see a fog of blueish gray smoke in the air even when no one was smoking. Visiting her almost always necessitated a visit to the doctor with in a few days. When he ended up in the hospital because of visiting her, that's when we started picking her up and going somewhere to visit. If we brought her to our house, she'd spend all of the visit on the back porch smoking so that's where we'd visit with her in warm weather.

So now if I seem a little irritated with people who believe that their cigarette smoke doesn't hurt anyone, you why. I respect their rights to smoke but smokers should show common courtesy and not smoke around those of us who have said many times that we were allergic and it made us sick everything. I hope that I am getting better. I've got to make a doctor's appointment to go in and talk about my lab results so I'm going to go ahead and schedule it. That way I can get this checked out as well.

Yesterday I was talking to my best friend about how down I was on myself for not living up to my life changes more than one day. She reminded me of one sentence in Monday's blog post - Most of all I will refuse to feel guilty for being ill. I will not accept anything less than living life to the fullest! She pointed out that I didn't specify that it was fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome or chronic myofascial pain. She had me on that one!

Thanks for listening to my rant today. If any of you are smokers, my intent was not to judge or be critical you. If I offended you, please accept my apologies.

A New Year, A New Start

2012-01-01T13:01:00.001-06:00

It’s hard to believethat it’s 2012. Remember how far awaythat seemed when we were children? Itsounded more like a science fiction movie than reality. But here we are.

January 1 not only brings ona new year but it brings on a time of change. Or at least we plan for it to. Forty to forty-fivepercent of American adults make one or more resolutions each year. Among the top New Year’s resolutions areresolutions about weight loss, exercise, and stopping to smoke. Also popular are resolutions dealing withbetter money management / debt reduction.

I’ve always been good atmaking resolutions but not so good at continuing to follow them for the entireyear. I’m not alone. Seventy-five percent of us make it past thefirst week. We’re still going prettystrong after the second week with 71% of us keeping on. After one month we begin to forget our resolutions. Only 64% of us are still going strong. At the half year point, over half have givenup on their resolutions. We’re down to46% still making the changes we promised ourselves on January 1.

That’s where the statistics Ifound stop but you don’t have to be a rocket scientist to realize that at thenine month point very few are maintaining their resolutions. I admit that I’m one of those doesn’t make itpast the first month. I can be verystubborn and hard headed and I don’t take well to change; even if it’s changethat I decided to make.

I’m hoping that this yearwill be better. I have to remember thateven if my pain levels are so high that I can’t follow through on myresolutions for a few days, to get back to them as soon as I can. That’s where I’ve dropped off in thepast. Sometimes because I forgot tostart again but mostly because I felt like I had broken them so why keep going.

Instead ofresolutions, I’m calling them life changes. Isn’t that what resolutions are? One definition of resolution is the act of resolving or determiningupon an action or course of action, method,procedure, etc. What I am resolving to do this year willchange my life as I change my normal day to day actions and methods andprocedures of doing things. Most of all I will refuse to feel guilty for being ill. I will not accept anything less than living life to the fullest!

My first life change is to faithfully readmy Bible every day; even if it’s just one verse. Whenmy pain is up, there’s no way I can read a long passage and understand it. One verse, I can do with no problem. I’m going to make it easier on myself byhaving a list of verses that will encourage me while I deal with the pain.

Life change two is to become more submissiveto my husband and his Biblical role as head of the household. Thishas been very hard for me. Not because Ithink he’s not worthy of my submission because he is. It’s because I grew up with my mother asingle parent so I learned early that I was in charge of my life. It’s because my first marriage was to asubmarine sailor who was not home much so it fell on my shoulders to be in chargeof our home. When he got out of the Navy,he was not willing to take on his God given role in our home. That meant it was up to me to continue to dohis job. I was the one in charge of ourfamily for 25 years. It’s hard to breaka habit you’ve had for that long. WithGod’s help, I will break it this year.

Life change three is to put together ahealthy plan of eating and stick to it. I know how helpful it is to mealplan. When the children were little, Ihad three monthly plans that I rotated. I always knew what we were going to eat and had the necessaryingredients on hand. I got out of thathabit when the kids grew up and then I was on my own so I figured I didn’t needa plan. Now there are two of us who needto watch what we eat because of our health. Having a meal plan will prevent us from calling for pizza or grabbing afast food sandwich.

I’ll be cookingdouble recipes so that I have a meal size portion to freeze so we can stillhave a good meal when my pain is too bad to cook. One thing I won’t be doing is using the word “diet”. We are not going to diet. We are making the change to healthy eatinghabits that will cause the same results.

Life change four is to develop a workablebudget and stick to it. We’ve been through Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University. We know what to do. We know that it works. Money is short around our house. Between the 62% pay cut Bill took to have ajob and my income being cut 50% when my health forced me to retire, we haven’tworried about a budget since we had no money. We now know that’s not true and we will get back on the track to havingfinancial peace.

Life change five is to work towards asuccessful way to supplement our income. I plan to communicate betterwith my former bread customers and potential customers to offer them reasons tobuy my bread. I will sew at least threedays a week to build an inventory items that can be sold or used for gifts. I will use my God given talents to make usself sufficient once again. Bill isalready working to find ways to do this.

Life change six is to blog every day. I useto be very self disciplined. I’ve usedmy pain as an excuse not to push myself to do things. I’ve sat around and felt sorry for myselfbecause I hurt. I may not write but acouple of sentences on the days my pain is high. But I will write. I will become the self disciplined person Iwas before chronic pain.

Life change seven is to plan a weekly “datenight” for my wonderful husband and I. This will be a time where weonly focus on us and our love for each other. No checking email, no talking on the phone. It will be a time for us to focus on eachother and forget about all the challenges in our life.

So there’s my planfor 2012. Over the next seven days, Iwill share how I plan to accomplish each life change. I challenge you to make your own list of lifechanges for the New Year. Share themwith us in the comments. If you havequestions about how to accomplish them, let me know and I’ll do my best to comeup with answers for you.

"The new year, like a new bornchild, is placed in our hands as the old year passes away.

The days and weeks to come are God'sgift; they carry God's blessing.

As a blessing we welcome them.

Our hope for the year ending is thatall that was good in it remain with us

and all that was harmful be leftbehind."

- Fr Victor Hoagland, C.P.

Fibromyalgia Drug Market Will Experience Minimal Growth?????

2011-10-12T17:17:00.001-05:00

Our beautiful niece, who is the wife of amember of the Armed Forces and mother of two adorable sons, suffers fromchronic pain. I think somewhere in theback of our mind we always hope that not only our children but our nieces andnephews as well, will want to follow inour footsteps. Sharing my chronic painwas never the way I would have chosen for her.

Yesterday she sent the following to anon-line support group we both belong to.

Inthe 1500's William Shakespeare wrote...we are not ourselves when nature, beingoppressed, commands the mind to suffer with the body. [King Lear]

and in the 1700's Alexander Pope wrote what I consider to be the first draft ofthe spoon theory: You purchase pain with all that joy can give, and die of nothing but a rage to live.

So why is it so difficult to get doctors to take chronic pain seriously? I wishI had the scientific ability to help us. The people who do seem to have theknowledge don't have the desperate (personal) need to find a better way.

Sigh. Thanks for listening tome vent.

After reading her email andwishing that I had some wonderful words of wisdom that would take her painaway, I went to Facebook. I belong toseveral fibromyalgia related pages there and the first one I looked at gave mea slap in the face. There it was is big bold print – “The Fibromyalgia Drug Market Will Experience MinimalGrowth over the Next Decade, Increasing from Nearly $1.6 Billion in 2010 toLess Than $1.8 Billion in 2020”. What???? There is still not adrug that successfully treats everyone. There is still not a drug that you don’t have to choose between lesspain and horrific side effects. The pressrelease came from Decision Resources, a researchand advisory firm for pharmaceutical and healthcare issues. In the last twoparagraphs, they admit that there is “significant unmet need”.

Because fibromyalgia is a difficultcondition to treat—its symptoms vary widely from patient to patient and caninclude pain, depression, fatigue and sleep dysfunction—significant unmet needremains for effective treatments.

“Even the leading, FDA-approveddrugs for fibromyalgia have limited efficacy and tolerability,” said DecisionResources Analyst Andrea Buurma. “As a result, ample opportunity remains inthis patient population for therapies that can demonstrate efficacy while alsooffering acceptable safety profiles.”

TheAmerican Chronic Pain Association estimates that thereare about 86 million people in the United States that cope with some form ofchronic pain. Fibromyalgia syndrome is one of the most commonchronic pain conditions in the world. According to the National FibromyalgiaAssociation, 3-6% of the world’s population has fibromyalgia syndrome. With aprojected world population of 6,816,322,780 in April 2010 (based on the USCensus Bureau’s US and World Population Clocks), this estimate would mean thatsomewhere around 200 million to 400 million people worldwide have fibromyalgia syndrome. In the United States the number is estimatedto be around 3 to 6 million people. Thisnumber varies from organization to organization. The NWHIC (National Women'sHealth Information Centre – part of the US Department of Health and HumanServices) suggests that the figures could be as high as 8 million.

Given those numbers and the industry’s ownadmission that there is a significant unmet need, why are they cutting back ondrug research? I followed the link inthe press release to Decision Resources website to read thefull report. Down towards the bottom I found the answer – money.

The two sales-leading fibromyalgiaagents (i.e., pregabalin and duloxetine) will face generic competition duringthe 2010-2020 forecast period. How willthe patent expiry of each branded agent affect the sales of other fibromyalgiatherapies and the market as a whole? How will patent expiries influence physicianprescribing habits in the different markets? To what extent will genericpresence of these two agents affect the commercial potential of emergingtherapies?
A controlled-release formulation of pregabalin is expected tolaunch for fibromyalgia during our forecast period. What advantages does this formulation offer over immediate-releasepregabalin, and will they be sufficient to compete with generically availablepregabalin (expected by 2019)? What are thought leaders’ opinions on this agent’spotential in the fibromyalgia market? Are any other therapies in developmentfor fibromyalgia expected to launch during the ten-year forecast period?

Researchis going to slow down because the major players in the game, pregabalin andduloxetine (Lyrica and Cymbalta) will become generic soon. Research is goingto slow down because anextended release version of Lyrica is expectedto come on the market. Research is going to slow down becauseof what may happen. Ten years is a lot oftime no matter how you look at it. Inresearch, it’s a huge amount of time. Howmuch time is going to be lost on finding “the drug” that could possibly give usat least a portion of our life back? Researchtime will be wasted because of what mayhappen.

Those of uswho suffer from chronic pain, no matter what its cause, have the right to have our pain prevented or controlledadequately. We don’t like taking medication. The majority of fibromyalgia patients musttake them to be able to function. The longer we take a medication, the lesseffective it is. The longer we sufferfrom fibromyalgia the more it progresses, taking a little bit more of our lifeaway every day. Every day that we wait for adequate pain control, is a lost dayin our lives. Slowing down research for 10 years means the potential of 3,650lost days. That’s almost 4,000 days that we aren’t able to be the person thatwe want to be. It’s missed school playsand play dates. It’s missed dinners athome with our family sharing the day’s happenings and missed dinners alone withour spouse. It’s days that we see ourfamily off to have fun without us. Dayswhere we smile and tell them to have a great time as they are leaving. Days makingus feel even more outcast and alone because of our pain.

I’mobviously not a medical professional or a medical researcher. I am someone who suffers 24/7 from the painof Fibromyalgia and the changes that it’s caused in my life. I am someone who can’t tolerate some of thedrugs available. I have taken the drugs that do help for so long that they are losingtheir effectiveness. I know thateveryone that advocates for a disease thinks that all research money should goto their researchers. And I do understand that businesses need to show a profit to stay in business. All that I ask is that the drug companies at leastmaintain their current levels of research. Maybe they won’t see much financialreward from it in the next ten years but they may find “the drug” that will bethe answer for us. The drug manufacturers have the ability to give us hope notonly for us but for those who follow after us.

Thepeople who do seem to have the knowledge don't have the desperate (personal)need to find a better way.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Fibromyalgia, Depression and God - He will see you through

2011-08-10T14:44:00.000-05:00

When you have a crazy illness like Fibromyalgia it’s easy for depression to jump in the midst of all the medical stuff we have going on. It is so easy to give in to it. I know. I’ve been there recently when I had my Social Security Disability hearing. Seeing all the cold, hard facts on paper about how bad my illness is really got to me. That’s what sent me spiraling down to depression. I had to face that I am physically no longer the same person.

Joy came back to my life when I actually listened to those around me. From spending quality time with my grandchildren to my wonderful husband telling me once again that he loved me with all his heart even with all the craziness my illness had brought upon us. I realized that there were people who loved me just as I am and needed me just as I am, no matter how messed up my body and mind is. Our hearts are still the same as they were before. Most of all God can still use me in spite of all this to touch someone else.

Being depressed is not a weakness on our part. It’s a case of the chemicals in our brains not reacting correctly. If we stay calm and allow our medicines to do their job, we’ll be fine. Yes, sometimes they need to be tinkered with and/or changed but they do their job. How can we stay calm? Trust me, I’ve questioned that many times. When I need comfort I turn to the Psalms and to Proverbs. When David wrote Psalm 139 I suspect that he was depressed. David reminds us in his writing that no matter where we are – physically or emotionally – God is there with us -

¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. I’ve even been known to just hold my Bible close to my heart when that was all that I could do.

While doing a search for Bible verses dealing with depression, I am across

True Woman.com I've not read much there but this entry makes sense to me:

Does Scripture memory sound like “just another thing to do” on an already overwhelming to-do list? What if you learned it was one of the greatest weapons with which to battle discouragement and depression in your life? Would that pique your interest a bit more?
I admit, I’ve gotten a head start, and Psalm 139 has been a lifeline the past month or so.
When I’m feeling fearful, I remind myself that His hand is leading me and His right hand (His strong, victorious hand) is holding me (v. 10).

When I’m feeling frustrated by my intense personality and ever-fluctuating emotions, I remind myself that I am fearfully and wonderfully made (v. 14).

And when I’m worrying about what the future holds, I remember that “in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them” (v. 16).

And that’s really just the tip of the iceberg. Don’t take my word for it, though—open the Word and personalize these truths for yourself—they will offer hope and help to you over and over again!
Would you leave a comment below if you plan to join us this month? Your comment doesn’t need to be long—you can just say “I’m in!”

PS: As a recovering perfectionist, I feel the need to state the obvious. Any bit of memorizing—or even just reading—is better than none at all. If you memorize just one verse this month, you’re not a failure! Rather, you have one more verse in your weaponry as you battle stray emotions and discouraging circumstances. (Whew, glad we got that cleared up!)

They recommend starting with just these four verses and then going on to memorize the full Psalm so that it is always in your heart.

New International Version 1984 (NIV1984)
¹³ For you created my inmost being;
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
   your works are wonderful,
   I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
   when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
¹⁶ your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
   were written in your book
   before one of them came to be.

Psalm 139:1-24
New International Version 1984 (NIV1984)
    For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.
¹ O LORD, you have searched me
   and you know me.
² You know when I sit and when I rise;
   you perceive my thoughts from afar.
³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
   you are familiar with all my ways.
⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
   you know it completely, O LORD.
⁵ You hem me in—behind and before;
   you have laid your hand upon me.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
   too lofty for me to attain.
⁷ Where can I go from your Spirit?
   Where can I flee from your presence?
⁸ If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
   if I make my bed in the depths,^[a] you are there.
⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
   if I settle on the far side of the sea,
¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,
   your right hand will hold me fast.
¹¹ If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
   and the light become night around me,”
¹² even the darkness will not be dark to you;
   the night will shine like the day,
   for darkness is as light to you.
¹³ For you created my inmost being;
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
   your works are wonderful,
   I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
   when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
¹⁶ your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
   were written in your book
   before one of them came to be.
¹⁷ How precious to^[b] me are your thoughts, O God!
   How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ Were I to count them,
   they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
   I am still with you.
¹⁹ If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
   Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
²⁰ They speak of you with evil intent;
   your adversaries misuse your name.
²¹ Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
   and abhor those who rise up against you?
²² I have nothing but hatred for them;
   I count them my enemies.
²³ Search me, O God, and know my heart;
   test me and know my anxious thoughts.
²⁴ See if there is any offensive way in me,
   and lead me in the way everlasting.
Footnotes:
Psalm 139:8 Hebrew Sheol

Psalm 139:17 Or concerning

I have learned the hard way that even when we do not see Him active in our lives when we think we need Him most, He is still there. He knows our hearts, He knows our needs, and He will provide for us. There have been times when I have prayed for Jesus to come into my heart as my Savior, even though I did it long ago and one sincere prayer is all it takes. For some reason, maybe I just needed to remind myself that He has been with me every step of the way since I was in fifth grade and I prayed that prayer on the front porch swing. Whatever the reason, I was able to feel His presence again, giving me the comfort I needed.

I will survive. God is by my side.

Fibromyaliga Can Be a Blessing. It's All in How You Look at It.

2011-05-29T12:42:00.001-05:00

Friday on one of the fibro support groups I belong to on Facebook, several people said that they felt blessed to have Fibromyalgia. This created quite an uproar and they were called unkind, crazy, etc. My pain levels were too high to stay online for long that day. I offered a suggestion to solve someone’s dilemma they had posted about and signed off the computer. When I got back on this morning, the discussion had grown to 66 comments. As I started to write a response I realized that it would be way too long to read as a post so I moved here to my blog where I say what’s on my mind. I think you’ll find that I’m pretty passionate about this.

To the group of people that say that Fibromyalgia is not a blessing – I agree. It is not a blessing that I had to stop work at age 52 after I had just gone back to school and gotten a degree that would allow me to find a better paying job. It is not a blessing that we struggle because we only have 50% of my income. It’s not a blessing that I have to try and talk my hubby into going and doing activities we had planned and when it comes time to do them I am unable to go. It’s not a blessing that I had to give up my duties as a Eucharistic Minister at my church. It’s not a blessing that my cognitive function has diminished to the point that I have very little short term memory left.

However, there are ways to turn all of that into a blessing. It’s how we look at the life that we’ve been given. It’s a blessing that I can no longer work because as career driven as I had become, it would more than likely destroyed my marriage. My marriage is worth more than any paycheck or the luxuries that it would provide. It’s a blessing that my employer had paid for the Long Term Disability insurance so that we do have 50% of my income while I not so patiently wait on my Social Security Disability hearing. It’s a blessing that when the economy fell and my hubby had to change careers and go into retail to find a job, I’m home to spend his days off with him. If I was still working Monday - Friday, 9 to 5, we'd never have the same days off. It’s a blessing that I have learned to encourage my hubby to go do things with the guys and not worry about me being home. We appreciate each other more when he comes home. It’s a blessing that when I could no longer serve as a Eucharist minister, a position in the altar guild opened up so I’m blessed to be able to prepare the altar for Eucharist. I’m blessed to still be able to serve my Savior and my church.

I am blessed because the Lord put me and my now best friend on the same Yahoo group at just the right time for us to meet. I’m blessed to have a best friend who loves the Lord, who has Fibromyalgia, who loves being a homemaker like I do and who loves to sew and is happy being “domestic”. That’s the job description I have now and I love it and feel blessed for the opportunity. I blessed to be a homemaker. There are many days when I can’t clean or cook. But I can be here to offer my hubby a cold drink when he comes in at the end of the day. I am blessed because I have the time to sew for family, friends and charities.

I feel blessed because "all" I have wrong is Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Chronic Myofascial Pain, Peripheral Neuropathy and severe edema in my legs and feet. I am blessed because unlike my BIL who died of cancer or my friend who died of a brain aneurysm, I am here to witness the birth of my grandchildren and to watch them grow up. I get the joy having my seven year old granddaughter ask me to teach her to sew and my nine year old grandson asking me to teach him to bake after watching me make hamburger buns one day. I am blessed to see my year old goddaughter run to me down the aisle at church with a huge grin on her face.

I'm blessed because 11 years ago this week, I met the most wonderful man who loves me for who I am, whose heart breaks that he can't do more for me. I am blessed with two wonderful children who do all they can to help by cleaning my house and helping with projects that my hubby can't get time to do. I am blessed that my grandchildren understand that MiMi’s muscles don’t work right and they find things for us to do together that will be easy for me. I am blessed to have friends that can look and me and know that it’s not a good day even when I tell them it is. I am blessed that when I walked into church last night my priest knew how much pain I was in from the pulpit just by looking at my face. When it came time for healing prayers, he stepped down to the pew level so that I didn’t have to step the 3 steps up to where he usually stands. I am blessed that even though my pain is cutting through my waist like a hot knife right now, I able to use the computer to tell others that there is hope.

There is hope for us and we cannot give up. Giving up is what causes our life to fall apart. Giving up is why we lose our happiness. Giving up is what causes us to miss out on the pleasures of life. Giving up is when we refuse to keep going by refusing to use canes, walkers and wheelchairs. Giving up is when we are too proud to allow friends and family to help us. Giving up is not the answer.

If you pain is too bad for you to function and your doctor is not willing to prescribe the stronger medicine you need, find another doctor. It’s you right to do so. If you are worried about becoming addicted to a narcotic pain reliever, get over it. If that’s what it takes to manage your pain so that you can enjoy life, take it. There’s a difference between addiction and it being a medically necessary drug for you to maintain your life. You aren’t taking them for “fun”.

Use those canes, walkers and wheelchairs so that you can go out to dinner or the park with your family. Don’t be ashamed to have a handicapped tag or hang tag for your car. Take your medications with you and pack a small cooler with snacks and something to drink. Plan several days ahead for an outing and limit your activity so that you have the energy to go out. Yes, you may “pay” for it afterward but what’s worse – feeling sorry for yourself because you couldn’t go or being tired with more pain but with the wonderful memories of the day you had with family and friends.

All I ask is that you think about it.

Being Persistant

2011-04-10T23:26:00.000-05:00

Persistent. What do you think of when you hear that word? Several things come to my mind, some good and some that can be aggravating. Our dog, Woody, is very persistent. He’s fed everyday at 5:00 pm and you can set your watch by him appearing by his food bowl. If I don’t feed him at 5:00 on the dot he comes looking for me. Sometimes he sits and stares at me. Loosing a staring match to a dog can be rather humbling. LOL Should the staring not work, Woody goes to plan B. Plan B involves him laying his chin on your knee if you are sitting where he can. If that’s not possible, Woody will nudge your arm, leg, whatever he can reach with his nose. Should Mom or Dad be able to ignore both plan A and plan B, he barks persistently. Barking is something I can’t ignore so I will stop what I’m doing to go feed him. It’s not like Woody is going to die from starvation if his food is a little late arriving. He’s a 95 pound basset/lab mix. There’s enough body fat on our sweet puppy for him to survive an extra 15 minutes without food. Woody is well behaved and persistent. His behavior regarding dinner time fits in with Og Mandino’s Scroll Three - I will persist until I succeed. Woody has this principle mastered.

Mandino listed 9 keys to mastering this principle. We’ll look at each one separately.

Key 1. Be brave – I am not an outgoing person by nature. People who know me well will argue the point. Once I'm comfortable with you I’m eager to add my part to the conversation or activity. If I have just met you or have not reached the necessary comfort level with you, I’m not going to be saying or doing much. Woody doesn’t care what is going on when it’s dinner time. He bravely goes forth to capture what is his! “In this world you will have trouble, but be brave! I have defeated the world.” -John 16:33 New Century Version

Key 2. Be self-motivated – Self motivation is difficult for some of us. Not being self motivated can lead to trouble if you are self-employed, have limited supervision at work or have important personal business that needs to taken care of. For the self employed, no or very little work leaves you no income. You must produce your product before it can be sold. If you are employed in a position where you have limited supervision, it’s easy to get distracted resulting in missed deadlines, poor performance and possible job loss. Not taking care of your personal business can leave bills unpaid; cause you to owe unnecessary late fees and other negative outcomes. Self motivation is necessary for us to accomplish our required tasks. Woody is self motivated to be sure he eats on time so he is persistent. Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the grave,where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom. Ecclesiastes 9:10 (NIV)

Key 3. Take another step – Don’t be afraid to keep stepping out with persistence. Like Woody trying to get our attention to feed him, we cannot give up until we reach our goal. Bravely take the first step and the additional ones necessary for success until you are running toward your goal. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV)

Key 4. Do the little things consistently – Little things can often be the direct cause of huge problems. These little things can range from household tasks to customer service in your business. Because it’s a small amount in the midst of the 3 cups of flour, it’s easy to forget the two teaspoons of yeast when baking bread. Forgetting to add the yeast turns the loaf of bread into a door stop. Some of the items on our daily to-do list are little things but they have to be done on a daily basis to keep our household or business running smoothly. Loading the dishwasher after a meal, wiping down the counters and stove top and sweeping the kitchen floor are all “little things”. They are also tasks that if left undone for several days create a big problem when it comes to providing your family a nutritious meal and a comfortable home. If you’ve not loaded and run the dishwasher and the sink and counter are overflowing with dirty dishes it can cause problems. Not only is it difficult to find a place to prepare a meal, you may not have clean dishes and tools that you need. The floor covered with crumbs and dirt is not only unsightly but can invite pests into your home creating a big problem. I occasionally sell items on Etsy and when I do, I try to make the package inviting to my customer. I wrapped a pattern in tissue paper and tied it with curly ribbon finishing it off with a bow. It was a little thing but the customer was so excited about it that she made mention of it in her feedback. It’s the little things like wrapping the package or following up by calling or sending a card to those who have previously done business with you that goes a long way to building a dedicated customer following. Doing the little things consistently instills them as a daily habit in your mind and pays off big in the end.

Key 5. Eliminate negative self-talk – I have a tendency to talk very negatively to myself about me. I’m my own worse enemy sometime. Because of my health problems, I sometimes feel that I’m a burden to my husband and children. I see myself as someone who can no longer pull my weight around the house in things like housework and yard work. Even though I have income to contribute to the family expenses, I see myself as not doing enough. Because of my pain and fatigue, I can’t consistently create items to sell to supplement our income. It can be months at a time between my being able to create. Instead of negative self-talk, I should be using positive self-talk. It’s important to your mental and physical health to think positively about yourself and your abilities. Negative self-talk can cause depression problems that in turn cause you to be stressed, sad, uncertain, and unable to perform the tasks at hand. If you don’t believe in yourself, who will?

Key 6. Reframe Refusal - You’ve done everything right, bravely setting out to accomplish your goal. You are on top of your game, motivated and confident. Presenting your product or proposal to the boss or potential client went off without a glitch in your mind. Grinning ear to ear, you leave the meeting sure that they will choose you for the project. Even when you don’t hear from them in the time you expected, you are still excited and ready to get started. Finally you hear from them. Unfortunately, they have decided not to use you for the job. Don’t go back to the world of negative self-talk. Instead take time to reevaluate your product, proposal and presentation. Possibly your product was not a good fit for the company’s needs. People all take information in differently so perhaps your audience would have done better with handouts for your oral presentation. Instead of giving up, reframe your ideas, be brave and keep moving forward.

Key 7. Overcome Obstacles – In a way, this key goes hand in hand with the one before it. Don’t let running into an obstacle stop you in your tracks. Obstacles don’t end your plans; they merely put a detour in them. Use the challenge of this interruption of your plans to look for a better method of doing things. Look at all the options at hand, choose the best one and keep moving forward.

Key 8. End each day with success – So how do we end each day with success when we haven’t made a big sale, gotten a new contract or won the lottery? Success comes in many shapes and sizes. Your success may be claimed through another person. Here’s an example – your child has been having a really hard time with his math lessons. Every night you have worked on sample problems together to help him understand the concept. He has bravely taken a new step forward every night and his understanding is increasing. Today he had a big test. Instead of coming home with a sad face and a low grade, today he came running in with a huge smile and an A on the test! You can both end the day with success. Your son has overcome the obstacles in his way of learning the math concepts and had a successful day by getting a good math grade. You have the pleasure of knowing that you had successfully guided him over the obstacle that had stood in his way. Remember Key 4, Do the little things consistently? If you’ve consistently done the little things today, you’ve ended your day with success. You may have to stop and think over but I’m sure you’ll find success in your day.

Key 9. Sustain momentum – Now that you have your keys to keeping on the road to success, keep going! Your momentum will keep you rolling on the way to your goals if you keep your feet off the breaks. Following these nine keys consistently, you will allow you to develop new habits that help eliminate procrastination and create attitudes of perseverance and action. You can do it!! Persist to Success!

Note: The Scrolls and Keys are from Og Mindino’s website. The comments are not based on his writings but are my thoughts on the subject.

We are Unique Miracles of God

2011-04-07T08:00:00.001-05:00

Og Mandino’s Scroll Four is I am nature’s greatest miracle. We are all nature’s greatest miracle. Nothing in nature compares to the miracle of birth. It’s an amazing event. Psalm 139 tells us about how God shaped and molded us even before we were born. God valued us even before we were able to do anything on our own. He values us enough that from the very beginning He has a plan for our lives.

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
   your works are wonderful,
   I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
   when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
¹⁶ your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
   were written in your book
   before one of them came to be.

Each one of us is unique. No two people are exactly alike. New research is finding that even identical twins have a few differences. Because God has a plan for us He gave us the necessary abilities and talents to live according to that plan. Mandino wrote that we should recognize our unique strengths, talents and abilities and celebrate them. Have you taken an assessment of your abilities and talents? These abilities and talents are unique to you. Understand them, embrace them and with a strong sense of purpose, go forward to a new life. Obstacles may cross your path but look at them at opportunities to use your God given talents to the fullest.

Look at obstacles as opportunities? Throughout my life I’ve had many obstacles that I have looked at as opportunities. I think I crossed those obstacles well with God’s help. When I was fifty, I went back to school and got my associates degree in paralegal studies. In my mind, I finally crossed that last obstacle that was the difference between having a job and having a career. I was so sure that I had properly assessed my strengths, talents and abilities and celebrated them. I burnt the candle at both ends and worked full time while going to school full time. I kept up with my work and school work in order to have a 4.0 GPA until my last semester.

During my last semester of school, things began to get harder than they had ever been. I began to notice that my once nearly perfect memory was not so perfect anymore. Physically it was beginning to get hard to walk from the car to the building at work and school. Convinced that I was just tired after two years of work, study and very little sleep, I didn’t think much of it. I was sure that once I was getting eight hours of sleep every night and going home after work instead of to school, everything would be back to “normal”. I’m still waiting for things to be back to “normal”.

I moved into my new role as a paralegal eager to learn as much as I could. I even gave thought to law school. Things did get a little better, for a while. I graduated in May. By November, things were beginning to fall apart. My memory was getting worse, not better. I was making so many notes but then couldn’t remember that I had made notes. It was difficult to get up and be at work on time no matter what time I went to bed. My wonderful husband became concerned because I was going to bed earlier and earlier. Finally, in March I could no longer grasp new concepts. Not only was I not grasping them, I was forgetting even being taught the new tasks. The fatigue was so bad that many a time I thought I was going to have to sit down on a curb and rest to make it from the car to the building. The pain kept increasing to the point that I would throw up in the mornings. Finally on May 1, I could do it no longer. I came home never to return to the working world again. I’m not sure how long it actually was but it seemed like I slept for most of the next three months. Two years later, I still suffer the pain, the fatigue, the memory loss. It is a part of my new life and will never go away. It's an obstacle that I'm not sure how to overcome. I have no idea how to look at Fibromyalgia as an opportunity.

Is it possible to be unique with abilities and talents only to have those no longer be part of your life? Is it possible that God has another plan for me with its own set of abilities and talents? I’m not sure but it’s beginning to seem so. Only through prayer, faith in God and patience will I know the answer to that question.

Starting a New Life

2011-04-06T01:42:00.000-05:00

Yesterday we talked about seeking guidance when making decisions. Every decision we make should be brought to the Lord for His input in the decision making process. Only then can we be confident that we are following His will. Since I have that valuable lesson under my belt, it’s time to move on in Og Mandino’s principles for changing your life. Scroll One is “Today I begin a new life”.

I've had several "lives". Lives as a daughter, a wife, a mother. My most important "life" began when I was in fifth grade. One warm spring afternoon I was sitting alone in the front porch swing going over the events of the spring revival at our church. Almost all of my Sunday School class had made the walk down the aisle professing their faith during the revival. Several of them had encouraged me to come with them because “everyone was doing it”. That didn’t seem like the right reason to do it so I sat all alone in the pew while everyone else was congratulated for making this life changing decision. After I replayed everything and thought about the sermons we had heard, I remember looking up to the beautiful blue sky and saying “Lord, I believe. I believe that you sent your Son to die on the cross and save me from my sins.” It was a day that I remember so vividly 40 something years later. I had claimed the new life promised to me in the book of Romans.

We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life. (Romans 6:4)

Now, I’m two years into retirement several years earlier than I had envisioned. I suffer from Fibromyalgia, Myofasical Pain Syndrome, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Peripheral Neuropathy and edema. Life is nothing like it was four or five years ago. My days are spent dealing with chronic pain and fatigue. Some days are not so bad and I can almost forget that I have these problems. Other days I can barely move to get out of bed and doing anything productive is not going to happen. I will admit it. It’s been hard to accept. I don’t want to accept it. I have to accept it. God has a plan for the next stage in my life. If I am to remain in His will, then I have to accept it and move on with my life. I am claiming the promise of 2 Corinthians 5:17 as the next step of my new life. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: the old has gone, the new is here!”

Now that I've made up my mind that it is time to begin the next chapter in my life, where do I start? How do I do it? Praying for guidance has to be first and foremost in my mind. I have to trust God that with His help that I am capable of building a new life. Philippians 4:13 has long been my life verse:” I can do everything through him who gives me strength”. I’ll be repeating that verse over and over again along this journey as I reject the idea of failure. I refuse to accept failure! Since failure is not a possibility, I’ll be praying for guidance and learning from the wisdom of those who have gone before me. My life has changed. It’s been hard to accept. I don’t want to accept it. I have to accept it.

One thing I’ve realized is that I procrastinate a lot. Previously, I never procrastinated. I wanted things done and marked off my to-do list. Now procrastination is the first habit that I have to get rid of. I believe that a good bit of my procrastination is due to being afraid to fail. I'm not accustomed to failure so if I don’t start a project then I can’t fail. I’ve lost a lot of self confidence since I’ve been ill. My short term memory can be nonexistent some days and the pain and neuropathy hinder my ability to do many things. These are real stumbling blocks but I have to overcome them and quit putting things off. I looked up procrastination and when I was reading about it on Wikipedia, it was like someone had been watching me. Here’s what it said:

The tense-afraid type of procrastinators usually feel overwhelmed with pressure, unrealistic about time, uncertain about goals, and many other negative feelings. They may feel a sense of malaise. Feeling that they lack the ability or focus to successfully complete their work, they tell themselves that they need to unwind and relax, that it's better to take it easy for the afternoon, for example, and start afresh in the morning. They usually have grandiose plans that aren't realistic. Their 'relaxing' is often temporary and ineffective, and leads to even more stress as time runs out, deadlines approach and the person feels increasingly guilty and apprehensive. This behavior becomes a cycle of failure and delay, as plans and goals are put off, penciled into the following day or week in the diary again and again. It can also have a debilitating effect on their personal lives and relationships. Since they are uncertain about their goals, they often feel awkward with people who appear confident and goal-oriented, which can lead to depression. Tense-afraid procrastinators often withdraw from social life, avoiding contact even with close friends.

My life has changed. It’s been hard to accept. I don’t want to accept it. I have to accept it. I pressure myself, setting unrealistic time lines without being clear what it is I really want to accomplish. I end up accomplishing nothing but disappointing myself becoming as frustrated as I was when I did something but didn’t accomplish what I set out to do. In my new life, that has to change. Procrastination is a time waster and a stress builder that I don’t need in my life. It is out the door – gone from my life!

My life has changed. It’s been hard to accept. I don’t want to accept it. I have to accept it. To be successful with making the change, I have to form good habits to help me in my new life. Habits, good or bad, are who you are. They control your life if you let them. By learning to control my habits, I can make constant progress toward my new life. I’ve often read that if you focus on a new habit for thirty days it will become a part of you. In that length of time, your brain should be conditioned for the new habit to be part of your life without even thinking about it. At this stage there is a chance of problems throwing you off so you still have to be diligent in adding the habit to your life. After ninety days, the changes you have made are a part of your life to the point that without it, things are difficult. At the one year point, it’s firmly established as part of your life. These new changes need to be simple so that they can be consistently achieved every day. To accomplish this, I’ll will pray for guidance and help in putting these changes to work. God transforms our hearts when we accept him into our live. He will change our lives as well. “He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” (Revelation 21:5)

My life has changed. It’s been hard to accept. I don’t want to accept it. I have to accept it. I will make a new life with God's help.

.

I Will Seek Guidance

2011-04-05T01:13:00.002-05:00

If you’ve read this blog for the last few days you know that I discovered Og Mandino’s Ten Scrolls or principles for changing your life. Over the next week or so, I’ll be exploring each one, looking to the Bible for reinforcement. I’ll be looking for ways to implement changes in my life to help me become productive in retirement. When I envisioned retirement, it was with a healthy body that would be hiking, bike riding, fishing and doing home renovations. It was also envisioned at a much later time in life. Now I’m learning my limitations, both physical and mental. I have to learn to accept those limitations. Those limitations are why there may be days, weeks or months between blog posts. The limitations can be gone and then five minutes later, they are here. They can go just as quickly. Plans can change or be made suddenly. The only constant is no consistency.

The first thing that jumped out at me when I first read Mandino’s Ten Scrolls or principles for changing your life was Scroll Ten. Scroll Ten is I will seek guidance. I’m moving this principle up to number one. I believe that it’s wise to seek guidance when making decisions especially those about things we have no expertise. King David was a wise man who didn’t always do the right thing. He did however always love and trust the Lord. Psalm 25 begins with David telling the Lord that he trusts Him. We can always trust the One who gave us life. Verses four and five are our example for decision making when David asks God to “Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long”. When sending a message to those He had carried into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon, God told Jeremiah, “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”. God went on to say, Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD. (Jeremiah 29:11 – 14a)

Any time we have a decision to make, we should first stop and ask God to show us the path He has planned for us and ask Him to guide us and teach us what we are to do. He has promised to be there and listen to us when we call upon His name and pray to him. When we ask for His guidance first, everything else falls in line. The right people and/or information become available to us. It’s important when you go to someone for their advice and counsel to be able to explain the situation at hand clearly and precisely. Be focused when you request help and advice. Be sure that the counsel offering their advice and insight understands exactly what the decision you are trying to make is. You must be prepared to accept their advice even if it’s not the advice you wanted to hear. Instead of being disappointed, upset or even angry at the source of advice, ask questions. Look for ways to expand your knowledge. As them to help you to understand why they answered as they did. It could be that by making a few changes to your original idea, your idea becomes doable. It’s important to be willing to think “outside the box”. Being willing to look at all sides of the situation and different solutions help you to become more effective and productive.

One lesson that you may learn when going to God for His guidance is patience. Patience is defined as an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay and to have quiet, steady perseverance. Impatience is the opposite. It’s a lack of patience, an eager desire for relief or change; restlessness and intolerance of anything that thwarts, delays or hinders. We live in a society where patience has for the most part become a thing of the past and impatience has become the norm. We want things when we want them and most of the time it’s possible to get them. Our world is one full of fast food, fast cars, fast answers through fast internet access anywhere you are. David experienced impatience and cried out to the Lord, “Answer me quickly, O Lord; my spirit fails. Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit. Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.” (Psalm 143:7-8)

When you experience impatience waiting for God’s guidance, work toward learning patience. It is His desire that we become patient and wait for His direction. Paul wrote in his letter to the Colossians, “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience”. (Colossians 3:12) I'm not sure I could think of having compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience if I had been through all the Paul had. Paul was struck blind by God on the road to Damascus, had his death ordered by the Jews, was shipwreck while a prisoner and spent a good bit of time in prison. Despite all the negatives, Paul lived his life in complete devotion to the teachings he received at the feet of Christ. He was patient and waited for God’s timing to have these negatives removed from his life. It’s important for us to do the same.

While waiting for God’s guidance and His timing, we should be in prayer and the study of His word. Having a clearer understanding of the Bible will help us to recognize God’s will and plan for us. Don’t just sit around waiting for something to happen. Remember, “We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised”. (Hebrews 6:12)

I leave you with words of wisdom from the book of Proverbs.

Proverbs 15:22
Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.

Proverbs 16:3
Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.

Proverbs 16:9
In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.

Proverbs 19:11
A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.

Proverbs 19:21
Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.

Rethinking Life

2011-04-04T08:00:00.008-05:00

I can waste a lot of time on the internet. There, I admitted it. I love to follow a link from one thing I’m reading to another and another and… well, you get my point. Sometimes, I really do learn something from following those links but like other distractions in life it can make me forget what my original goal was when I started. Yesterday, I was reading an online article about a group of ladies who will be sharing stories of how they live their best life, handling the highs and lows of being an artist so that they keep their “hearts light and open”. I still have not read any of their stories although I will (maybe).

The author opened her post with a quote by Og Mandino where he said in part “Remind yourself, as often as necessary, that you are a creature of God and have the power to achieve any dream by lifting up your thoughts”. This quote was the jumping off point for yesterday's post.

Since I had never heard of Mr. Mandino, I did a Google search and found several sites with information on this gentleman who passed away in 1996. Mandino wrote The Greatest Salesman in the World which contains the "time-tested wisdom of the ancients distilled into ten simple scrolls". Written to teach insurance agents how to sell policies in difficult times, the principle of each “scroll” was designed to teach a person replace bad habits built up over a lifetime. The official Og Mandino site is being redesigned but I found an archive of the site that listed the principles in the scrolls.

The ten principles are:

• Scroll I - Today I begin a new life.
• Scroll II - I will greet this day with love in my heart.
• Scroll III - I will persist until I succeed.
• Scroll IV - I am nature's greatest miracle.
• Scroll V - I will live this day as if it is my last.
• Scroll VI - Today I will be master of my emotions.
• Scroll VII - I will laugh at the world (Keep perspective)
• Scroll VIII - Today I will multiply my value a hundredfold.
• Scroll IX - I will act now, I will act now, I will act now.
• Scroll X - I will pray for guidance.

While I've not read his book, a quick look at his principles tells me that Og was on to something. Since my life has changed so drastically due to my health, I truly need to begin a new life. Please join me as I pray for guidance and then act now to put changes in place. Everyday I'll explore one of his principles looking for Biblical backup for them. Then I'll share something new that I've learned, a change I've decided to make or an encouraging Bible verse I've found. Come along for the ride. I can guarantee you that it won't be boring!

God Will Be There, Leading Our Path

2011-04-01T12:51:00.000-05:00

I belong to an email list that is geared towards getting those of us who are creative (or like me think they are creative) motivated and inspired. This morning I read about a new blog hop where over thirty women will share how they live their best life, while navigating the highs and lows of living a creative life, living in such a way that keeps their hearts light and open. Several quotes in the article jumped off the page at me. I started an email to share these thoughts with my Fibromyalgia support group. When I realized that this was going to be much more than an email, I "hopped" over here.

Although what I was reading was written to encourage artists of all kinds, there were many passages that encouraged me to look at my Christian walk. Or, unfortunately, sometimes the lack thereof.

“Never fret at any imperfections that you fear may impede your progress. Remind yourself, as often as necessary, that you are a creature of God and have the power to achieve any dream by lifting up your thoughts. You can fly when you decide that you can.” ~ Og Mandino

Og Mandino wrote the bestselling book "The Greatest Salesman in the World". His books have sold over 50 million copies and have been translated into over twenty-five different languages. Sounds like a pretty successful guy to me. What made him successful? According to his biography, the Holy Bible topped the list of his favorite books. Mandino's main philosophical message that every person on earth is a miracle and his tenth principle for replacing bad habits was to pray for guidance. Looking to his Heavenly Father for the power to achieve his dreams worked for Og Mandino and it will work for you and me.

Society has “rules” about how we should look, speak, dress, how smart we should be. If we don’t fit into that mold, society tells us that we have no value, no personal worth and our self-esteem becomes non-existent. God calls us his children if we receive him into our lives. (John 1:12; Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God—). As God’s child, we have infinite worth! We are a miracle by our very being! We should be meek but at the same time our self-esteem should be out the roof! All we have to do is look to our Heavenly Father through prayer and he will help us to achieve our dreams that are part of His plan for our life. He is there to lift us up and remind us that we are special and that He is our help in our time of need. Hebrews 4:15 - 16 tells us

15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. 16 Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

God is faithful and beside us to guide us just as we walk beside our children and guide them. We should be confident that He will impart mercy and grace upon us and help us live a life of happiness as we work to achieve our dreams. He is there even when we don't allow Him to guide us, waiting for us to reach up and take His hand.

“When you do what you love, you are free to be who you are and live the life of your dreams come true.” Such a simple thought but so true. When we follow the One who loves us so much he sent his only son to die on the cross, we are free! When we are free from the worries of society and focused on the love of God and His will, our lives take amazing turns. I’ve seen it in my own life many times over. Life is not always easy but with God guiding you, you can do everything. (Philippians 4:13)

As the Israelites made the journey from Egypt to the Promise Land, for 40 years God led their path. They moaned, groaned and complained. God was there, leading their path. Even when they built idols to worship and rebelled against Him, God was still there, leading their path. Our idols are different but we have them like the Israelites. We moan, groan and complain like the Israelites. These days they take the form of large screen TVs, jewelry, expensive cars, big houses, the big boats, fabulous vacations. We say they aren’t idols but we put making the money to buy them first and foremost, putting our families second and God a distant third, if He makes it that far up the list. So what else can you call them? We "love" these things but are we truly happy? Do we feel "free"? Are your dreams really coming true? Too many people are “worshipping” things as opposed to our creator.

True happiness cannot be found in things. Our God is faithful and as He stayed with the Israelites, He will do the same for you and me if we just ask. God will be there, leading our path. Directing us to true love, freedom and fulfilled dreams. Nehemiah wrote of God’s faithfulness to lead his people:

18 even when they cast for themselves an image of a calf and said, ‘This is your god, who brought you up out of Egypt,’ or when they committed awful blasphemies.

19 “Because of your great compassion you did not abandon them in the desert. By day the pillar of cloud did not cease to guide them on their path, nor the pillar of fire by night to shine on the way they were to take. 20 You gave your good Spirit to instruct them. You did not withhold your manna from their mouths, and you gave them water for their thirst. Nehemiah 9:18-20

Just think how much easier it would be to be free and live a life we love if God is leading our way! He has "great compassion and will not abandon us in the desert of our life". God will be there, leading our path. In order to be free, we cannot be burdened with trying to live up to man’s standards. On our on we can't live up to God’s standards but we can with His help! God will be there, leading our path. Is a life with God at the center guaranteed to be a bed of roses? No, the closer we get to God and the more He is the center of our lives; the more the devil will do everything in his lowly power to drag us down. God will be there, leading our path. We aren't guarantee an easy life, a life without trials and tribulations. We are guaranteed that no matter how hard our life is by man’s standards, if it is lived with God first and foremost in our life, it’s a life of true love, true happiness and dreams come true.

God will be there, leading our path.

A Day to Rest

2011-03-14T01:20:00.001-05:00

Sunday is the day that God set aside to rest and we are called to do the same. It's the day set aside to worship Him and rest from work. A time to spend with family and friends. A time to let go of the work waiting for you on your desk. A time to collect your thoughts. A time to be still and know that He is God.

When I was a child, Sundays were treated as a day of worship and rest by almost everyone. Stores were closed with the exception of a few gas stations and pharmacies. Families and friends visited in the afternoon. You didn't need an invitation to go visit. If you were out for a Sunday drive, you just stopped by. Some took a well deserved nap to prepare for the week ahead. It was a slower pace that allowed us to be still and know that He is God.

The world that we live in has gotten so busy that many people don't take time out for worship or rest on Sundays. Families are scattered across town or even across the country. Stores being open on Sunday is the norm these days and shopping has taken the place of visiting and resting. Just dropping by for a visit uninvited is a serious social faux pas. And your odds of finding someone at home are pretty low. People feel that there's just too much to do to "waste" Sunday by spending time with others and resting. There is no time to be still and know that He is God.

There are 5 Sundays left till Easter. I challenge you to use the days as God intended. Worship together as a family. When you get home, turn off the things that keep you from spending time together. We all have them - the TV, video games, cell phones, etc. When was the last time you really talked with your children and not at them. How long has it been since you spent any quality one on one time with your spouse? Dig out a board game that the whole family can play. Listen for the laughter that comes from a family having fun together at home.

Take time to be still and know that He is God.

Thou art dust and to dust thou shalt return

2011-03-12T19:41:00.000-06:00

Thursday was a day full of emotions around here. It was a day of celebrating a new life coming into our family in June. It was also a day of feeling the sadness of someone you love moving to their next home.

The day started out with a call from our youngest daughter who lives in Little Rock. She wanted to know if we had anything planned or could she come over and spend the night. We had nothing planned (and if we had, we would have changed those plans) so she came over. I decided not to tell her dad that she was coming and surprise him when we picked him up from work. It was a huge surprise and the look on his face was priceless when she walked in his office. We caught up on the news from Little Rock. She filled us in on what was going on in her life, how her brother was doing and about his son, our youngest grandchild. Then we talked about how she and our next grandchild to be born were doing. Mom and baby are healthy and happy and we feel blessed that is the case. She and I looked through the baby clothes patterns I have and the fabric I’ve accumulated and decided what she’d like me to make for him. It was a great day and we stayed up way to late visiting.

A spot on the afternoon news brought sadness to me and many others in the Memphis area. I was reminded of the nine words I had heard the day before when receiving our ashes. Thou art dust and to dust thou shalt return. Those nine words remind us that our lives here on earth are a short stay until it’s time for us to move on to our heavenly home. After a year and half battle with leukemia, Memphis radio personality John “Bad Dog” McCormack passed away. Bad Dog, as he was known to his faithful listeners, was a man with a heart as big as Texas. He was the guy who would give you the shirt off his back if he thought you needed it more. His friend and partner on the Bad Dog and Ric Show on Rock 103, Ric Chetter said in an interview yesterday that Danny Thomas built St. Jude but Bad Dog build the Ronald McDonald House. For 20 years, Bad Dog spearheaded the Ronald McDonald House radiothon raising millions of dollars for the kids. This year he was sick when it was time for the radiothon but he wouldn’t hear of doing anything for himself till after the telethon.

Thursday morning John went into a coma and Thursday afternoon he passed over from this life. Memphis will miss this man who meant so much too so many people. I know I will miss hearing his cheery voice when I wake up every morning. He left a note in the hands of a trusted friend to be released if he should die. His last words to us show the kind of man he was.

"I have gone to be with God and he is holding me tightly and I am surrounded by many of the Ronald McDonald House kids. Do not say you have lost a friend. One is only lost when you don't know where they are.. you know where I am.

I thank each and every one of you for your support and prayers. I love all of you and that will never go away. When you are having a bad day, think of my laugh or a Twilight Phone or the time we met. None of us is guaranteed tomorrow; make every day great, be the spiritual leader of your family. May peace be with you. Your friend, Bad Dog."

What's on your face? It's Ash Wednesday.

2011-03-09T15:50:00.000-06:00

Today is Ash Wednesday. Bill and I started our day early this morning so that we could attend the 6:30 am service at our church. About 35 others joined us as we received an ash cross on our forehead. Before I retired I would go to work on Ash Wednesday with my cross on my forehead. People would tell me I had a smudge on my face and I needed to go check it in the mirror. Or they would ask why I had it and what Ash Wednesday was all about. Both questions gave me a chance to explain the sybolism and what Jesus did for us.

The ash cross reminds us of the great sacrifice that Jesus made for you and me. I don't understand why some Christian denominations don't celebrate the days leading up to Easter. It doesn't make sense to me to remember His death and reserection but not the 40 days leading up to that day. In the years that I’ve been a member of the Episcopal Church, I’ve come to understand more and more how Jesus sacrificed for us. I’ve realized how little I sacrifice for Him in return. Ash Wednesday is a day of penitence where we prepare our heart, body and soul for adoration, reflection and devotion during the 40 days of Lent that lead up to Easter Sunday. By observing the 40 days of Lent, Christians replicate Jesus Christ's sacrifice and withdrawal into the desert for 40 days.

Lent is marked by fasting, both from food and festivities. I am fasting from things like Facebook that eat up my time for no purpose. I plan to put that "found" time to work by increasing my Bible study and prayer time. I plan to attend church services each week and to remember that it truly is more blessed to give that to recive.

I look forward to hearing what Ash Wednesday means to you. Please post your comments here as I will not be reading Facebook for 40 days.

******************************

Since I found the information on the BBC site easy to read, I returned there to find the explanation below of Ash Wednesday.

Ash Wednesday is the beginning of Lent for Western Christian churches. It's a day of penitence to clean the soul before the Lent fast.

Roman Catholic, Anglican, and some other churches hold special services at which worshippers are marked with ashes as a symbol of death and sorrow for sin.

Ash Wednesday services

The service draws on the ancient Biblical traditions of covering one's head with ashes, wearing sackcloth, and fasting.

The mark of ashes

In Ash Wednesday services churchgoers are marked on the forehead with a cross of ashes as a sign of penitence and mortality.

The use of ashes, made by burning palm crosses from the previous Palm Sunday, is very symbolic.

The minister or priest marks each worshipper on the forehead, and says remember you are dust and unto dust you shall return, or a similar phrase based on God's sentence on Adam in Genesis 3:19.

Keeping the mark

At some churches the worshippers leave with the mark still on their forehead so that they carry the sign of the cross out into the world.

At other churches the service ends with the ashes being washed off as a sign that the participants have been cleansed of their sins.

Symbolism of the ashes

The marking of their forehead with a cross made of ashes reminds each churchgoer that:

• Death comes to everyone

• They should be sad for their sins

• They must change themselves for the better

• God made the first human being by breathing life into dust, and without God, human beings are nothing more than dust and ashes.

The shape of the mark and the words used are symbolic in other ways:

• The cross is a reminder of the mark of the cross made at baptism

• The phrase often used when the ashes are administered reminds Christians of the doctrine of original sin

• The cross of ashes may symbolise the way Christ's sacrifice on the cross as atonement for sin replaces the Old Testament tradition of making burnt offerings to atone for sin.

It's Shrove Tuesday. What does that mean to you?

2011-03-08T21:58:00.000-06:00

Today is Shrove Tuesday. Having been raised as a Southern Baptist, Shrove Tuesday, Ash Wednesday and Lent were new and strange observances when I was confirmed into the Episcopal Church. Now that I’ve been practicing the season of Lent for some time, I wonder why protestant denominations don’t. The meaning behind these observances are worthy of all Christians participating in them. To be sure I didn’t leave out anything important when explaining the celebration; I turned to Google and found the information I needed from the BBC.

Shrove Tuesday is the day before Lent starts: the Tuesday before Ash Wednesday. It's a day of penitence, to clean the soul, and a day of celebration as the last chance to feast before Lent begins.

Shrove Tuesday is sometimes called Pancake Day after the fried batter recipe traditionally eaten on this day. (Now I know why our youth do a pancake supper at the church on Shrove Tuesday! I figured it was just an inexpensive meal that was easy to prepare.) But there's more to Shrove Tuesday than pigging out on pancakes or taking part in a public pancake race. The pancakes themselves are part of an ancient custom with deeply religious roots.

Shrove Tuesday gets its name from the ritual of shriving that Christians used to undergo in the past. In shriving, a person confesses their sins and receives absolution for them. When a person receives absolution for their sins, they are forgiven for them and released from the guilt and pain that they have caused them. In the Catholic or Orthodox context, the absolution is pronounced by a priest.

This tradition is very old. Over 1000 years ago a monk wrote in the Anglo-Saxon Ecclesiastical Institutes: “In the week immediately before Lent everyone shall go to his confessor and confess his deeds and the confessor shall so shrive him.”

Shrove Tuesday is a day of celebration as well as penitence, because it's the last day before Lent.

Lent is a time of abstinence, of giving things up. So Shrove Tuesday is the last chance to indulge yourself, and to use up the foods that aren't allowed in Lent. During Lent there are many foods that some Christians - historically and today - would not eat: foods such as meat and fish, fats, eggs, and milky foods. So that no food was wasted, families would have a feast on the shriving Tuesday, and eat up all the foods that wouldn't last the forty days of Lent without going off.

The need to eat up the fats gave rise to the French name Mardi Gras ('fat Tuesday'). Pancakes became associated with Shrove Tuesday as they were a dish that could use up all the eggs, fats and milk in the house with just the addition of flour.

Tonight we’ve had birthday cake and ice cream for our oldest goddaughter’s 16th birthday. I had an apple fritter for breakfast. Those are the last sweets that I will eat until Easter. Since I’m not big on eating sweets, giving them up is really not a challenge. I wanted a challenge that would really test my ability to sacrifice as Christ sacrificed for us.

As I was debating with myself on what to give up during the 40 days between Ash Wednesday and Easter, I was reading Facebook and saw where our youngest daughter had decided to give up Facebook. That was when it hit me that I needed to do the same thing. However, I’m not just giving up Facebook. I’m going to share with the two or three people who might read this what I accomplish each day when Facebook is not taking up way too much of my time. I believe I’ll have much more time for Bible study, for sewing and keeping the house clean and knowing what we are having for dinner every night. In order to share what I’ve accomplished, I’ll allow myself to be on Facebook long enough to post a link to this blog once a day. No games, no reading posts, none of the time stealing things that go with Facebook.

I challenge each of you to make a meaningful sacrifice for the next forty days. Please post in the comments here what you have given up for Lent. Then each day, post how you are succeeding or what is making it difficult for you. We will support each other as we work to lose a few pounds, send more time in Bible study, more time with family, whatever it is that you are trying to do.

Till tomorrow,

Cynthia

Way to Go Memphis Drivers!

2011-02-07T22:49:00.000-06:00

Today we had snow for I think the fourth time in four weeks. It looks like practice makes perfect may be coming to be with Memphis drivers and driving in the snow. Since I moved here I've been told several times that it's not if you have an accident it's when. This is especially true when it rains but throw snow into the equation and things just get crazy. Schools, businesses and churches shut down at even the hint of snow. And those brave souls who venture out have a ridiculously high chance of spinning out, being in an accident or ended up in a ditch. This time I didn't hear about as many wrecks in rush hour traffic. When we hit the streets for doctor appointments this morning, everyone seemed to be driving slower, breaking properly, keeping a safe distance between them and the car in front and just driving with common sense. How refreshing! There are numerous activities being canceled for tonight but not as many as before. Some of the closures are probably because those in charge know that there won't be enough people showing up to justify meeting as schedule. We've got more snow coming Wednesday. I hope the people of Memphis do even better than today and show that they are learning that life as we know it doesn't have to come to a screeching halt because of a little snow.

Oh yeah, this winter's weather doesn't look like global warming to me.

What You See Is Not Always What You Get

2011-01-30T01:08:00.000-06:00

Last night I decided that we really needed a night out to get a break from all the craziness going on in our lives right now. Sounds like a great idea, right? It really is until you remember that part of the craziness is a small cash flow problem. Shoot, who am I kidding? It's a fairly large cash flow problem but that's fodder for another post. :-)

Since it was the end of the month (can you believe January is almost gone?), I knew that I could probably find a code somewhere for Restaurant.com and get a huge discount. Off I went to Coupon Mom and sure enough behind the restaurant coupons tab was an 80% off code. Sweet! Since I wanted this to be fun, I looked for places that we've not been to and picked a couple that are fairly close to the house. We picked Ms. Judy's Buffet as our destination tonight and set out. Their menu looked pretty good with a seafood buffet on Friday and Saturday nights. After putting my discount code in the $25 gift certificate cost a measly $3.50.

It didn't take long to pull up in front of Ms. Judy's. There was no problem finding a parking spot because Ms. Judy had turned off the lights and gone home! Not only had she turned off the lights, she took all the furniture with her and there was a "For Rent" sign in the window. Hey! What about my $3.50??? We ended up a couple of miles down the road at the Olive Branch Catfish Company. The food was great as was the service. Since we didn't have a coupon the budget is blown. But hey, we've got a nice sheet of paper we won't be using to turn over and use to figure out Plan B for the budget.

The moral of this story is use Restaurant.com because it's a great deal but if it's somewhere you've never been, call and be sure they are still in business before you spend that $3.50.

My first year as a blogger...Sigh...

2011-01-27T15:00:00.000-06:00

Last year around this time I decided that I was going to become a blogger for the new year. It's probably one of the few New Year Resolutions that I've kept all year. My goal was to ramble on at least 3 times a week for 52 weeks. Did I reach my goal? Nope (hanging my head in shame) but at least I did continue to run my mouth about what ever made me angry, happy, sad or just seemed worth talking about on a fairly regular basis. It wasn't even once a week but was better than nothing.

I've learned a lot about the "how to" of blogging and I think I'm going to do better this year. I have a plan of attack for all three of my blogs. Three blogs?? I know you are thinking - how absolutely crazy that is given that I couldn't maintain my goal on one. I agree with you whole heatedly, it is crazy but I will meet my goal this year if it kills me! 2011 is the year that I take my body and mind back from Fibromyaglia and do the things that I want to accomplish.

I ended up with three blogs because the things I wanted to talk about just didn't all fit into the theme of Rambling Thoughts of a Southern Lady. Yep, they were all rambling thoughts but on three distinct subjects.

This blog has definitely been rambling. I have talked about our goddaughter being born, my faith, my chronic pain, crafting and my love of sewing and learning to quilt. It's just a confused assortment of topics. When I realized that, I decided that I needed to break my thoughts up and do this with a little more logic. So here's the game plan for 2011.

Rambling Thoughts of a Southern Lady will continue to be what I set out for it to be. My take on the news of the day, what's going on in our lives, politics, religion and other general topics. This is where I want to entertain you and make you think at the same time.

My Life with Fibromyalgia Pain will focus on my life with Fibromyalgia pain. Kinda clever title don't you think? LOL I'll talk about my pain levels, what helps with the pain and what makes it worse. They'll be happy days and sad days. If you don't suffer from this horrendous disease or have family or close friends that do, it's a good chance that it will be so depressing that you won't be back. Who could blame you? Those of us who have chronic pain illnesses are depressed by it. So that's why I'm separating it out. It's a very distinct group of readers with an interest in the topic. You are always welcome to come by and take a look, we don't bite and it's not "catching" and you may find some helpful information.

Apple Creek Cove is where you'll see what I do with my spare time and unfortunately, I have way too much of it. This is where I'll talk about crafting, sewing, quilting and that sort of thing. If you are a crafty person, a sewer or a quilter, Apple Creek Cove is the place to be. I'm in the process of setting our guest room up as my sewing room and try to sew a little every day. I want to share that time with you. They'll be tutorials for various types of projects and guest bloggers who know way more about some crafts than I could ever know. My best friend, Karen, over at Karen's Needlework is a published quilt designer, does amazing crocheted and knitted pieces, pours candles that smell wonderful and makes a great bar of soap, has graciously agreed to help me muddle through this by being a guest blogger. Come by, grab a cup of coffee or a cool refreshing drink and sit and tell me what you would like to see talked about on Apple Creek Cove.

I have been sitting for way to long and I have things to do. I'll be posting on the other two blogs later today so stop by and see what's up in all three of my worlds!

Cynthia

December?? Already???

2010-12-11T01:38:00.000-06:00

Two things popped out at me when I opened up Blogger. The first was that it's been a while since I posted. The second was how close it is to Christmas.

Are you making your list and checking it twice? Before we know it, it will be the day of our Savior's birth. I believe that the secular world has commercialized Christmas to the point that even Christians get caught up in the whirl wind of who has the best decorations, throws the best parties and gives the most (and best) gifts. It shouldn't surprise us because it seems that the commercial aspect of Christmas started even earlier this year. Before we know it the stores will be putting out Christmas decorations as soon as they put away the back to school displays.

Those of us who celebrate the real meaning of Christmas have to make a stand on the commercialization of our Savior's birth. One way to do that is to stop lining the pockets of the corporate world and start doing instead of buying. Don't buy some generic gift for your friends and neighbors that has absolutely no thought in it. Instead make something personal. It could be a simple tree ornament or cookies or candy that you make. Make the gifts you give personal. This way the recipient knows that you were thinking of them and not just giving them a "have to" gift..

You can do this for family too. Wouldn't it be wonderful to have your family member "showing off" their gift and telling everyone that mom or grandma made it just for them. Think about it, does your sister's son really need another video game? I'm sure he doesn't. But does he really love football or the Mississippi State Bulldogs? Why not make an easy to sew pillowcase in the school's colors or novelty fabric. Can't sew, there's always the no sew fleece blankets. Did you wait to late to make it yourself? Check out a site like Etsy to find one of a kind, handmade gifts for those on your list.

By doing instead of buying or buying handmade, you are making Christmas more personal and keeping the spending in check. After all, Jesus is the reason for the season. Not a credit card bill that you'll be paying on until next Christmas or gifts that will be lost in everything else the recipient already had.

May the Lord bless and keep you during this season of His birth.

To Quilt or Not To Quilt. What Do You Think?

2010-10-22T10:00:00.000-05:00

When I first discovered the world of blogs, there was one that just jumped out there at me. It was the one of the first ones I subscribed to through Google Reader. Judy Laquidara writes a wonderful quilting blog called Patchwork Times. If we were to ever meet, I think Judy and I would get along well because we like the same things. Like me, she loves the country lifestyle, loves where she lives now but dreams of going home and loves her animals. We both believe that I believe our duty as a wife and mom is to provide interesting and tasty meals for my family. We make our own bread and cook our meals from scratch. Does that give you an idea of why I like her blog so much?

Judy says that she quilts almost non-stop which is what I would like to do. Last week she posted the fabric requirements and instructions for a mystery quilt. Today Judy posted the first set of clues. Since I'm a beginner, I'm wondering if I should take on this challenge. Judy says that it's an easy quilt with just some half square triangles but mostly squares and rectangles. I've done squares and rectangles so I guess this could be a way of learning the half square triangles.

There are two sizes — you can choose to make just the top or you can make the top with the borders. Instructions will be given to make the top 45″ x 63″ without borders. Blocks are 9” finished. The three clues take you through finishing just the top. At that point, Judy will show us her quilt and give us the border instructions. We can choose to make Judy’s borders or our own borders.

What do y'all think? Anyone interested in taking on the challenge of a mystery quilt with me?

Have you visited FaveCrafts on line?

2010-10-19T17:37:00.000-05:00

Several times a week I get a really cool e-newsletter called Quick and Crafty from Fave Crafts. These e-newsletters are full of wonderful craft projects. This morning's mail brought me ideas and patterns for Halloween masks, crowns, horns and full costumes. There were even patterns for crocheting accessories for your costumes! With over 35 categories to choose from on their home page you can find projects for all types of crafts and lots of free patterns. Free is always good!

What really caught my eye this morning was the Cute as a Button Quilts book giveaway. I did say that free is always good. LOL! Cute as a Button Quilts features 12 quilt projects designed by Joni Pike and is published by C & T Publications (ISBN: 978-1-57120-345-8)

Here's what the C & T website has to say about the book:

Adorable Appliqué Projects, All Buttoned Up

• Lickety-split fusible appliqué quilts and accessories anyone can make
• It's embellishment playtime! Accent your projects with easy embroidery, buttons, rickrack, and more
• Bright, happy quilts for kids, seasonal décor, or "just because"
• Fun lessons on how to choose and use buttons, plus a resource guide
• Create a coordinated set: table-top suites, pillows and accent quilts will perk up your décor
• Quick-make a gift this weekend

Beginning and advanced crafters and quilters will love these bright appliqué projects. Simple shapes, easy fusible appliqué, and adorable purchased buttons and trims make these charming projects quick to complete. Create quilts, pillows, placemats, table runners, and totes. Twelve projects with full-size patterns.

I would love to have this book so I'm signing up for the giveaway. You can too. Just follow this ink to FaveCrafts site.

Talk to you soon,

Cynthia

Fall is here so how's your Christmas shopping going?

2010-10-01T04:11:00.000-05:00

The flowers of summer are all but gone and the mums and pumpkins that introduce fall are here. Football season is well underway and Christmas will be here in two months, three weeks and three days. How are you spending your wonderfully cool fall weather? Have you started your Christmas shopping? Starting early allows you to beat the crowds and find excellent prices on last fall and winter's merchandise that stores are putting out this time of year. Do you really care that it's last year's pink? Pink is pink whether it's 2009's or 2010's. I've purchased several items already and not paid more than 40% of the regular price for any of them. Today, I picked up 6 pairs of socks for my granddaughters for a whopping $1.20 total!!! You read it right. Brand new socks at 20 cents a pair. It's all a matter of starting early and checking out your favorite store's clearance racks on a regular basis. But I'm getting ahead of myself. We'll talk more about Christmas later.

I love having the doors and windows open and all the fresh air coming in. I've been sewing at the kitchen table because there's construction going on in the sewing room. (Thank you leaky roof!) It's been great sitting there with a breeze blowing through the screen door. It puts my love of sewing with my love of the outdoors and it's making me more creative. And I'm really enjoying the fact that the air conditioner is off and the electric meter is no longer spinning out of control!

This wonderful fall weather has my creative juices flowing and I need to get a lot of sewing done. To start with, I have to make a fall/winter wardrobe. I've been blessed to loose the weight I put on while I was taking Lyrica and almost 50 pounds later, I'm still loosing. Unfortunately, I have almost no clothes that fit and the few that I do have show how well "loved" they are. I don't want anything super fancy but I do need something to leave the house in. This year I'm going somewhere I've never been before with my sewing and make outerwear. I'm starting with a simple fleece poncho but I've never sewn fleece before. My work with fleece is limited to those no sew blankets. I'm torn on whether I want a hood or not. And if I don't want the hood, do I leave it plain or add something like the fake fur trim? Do I trim it even with a hood? Here's my options. What do y'all think?

McCall's 3448 with hood

McCall's 3448 without hood

McCall's 3448 with fake fur trim

Probably the most pressing issue is Halloween costumes!! Can you believe it?? Seems like yesterday that Bill was riding his bike dressed as the Grim Reaper with his scythe attached. He's decided what he wants for his costume but I'm still debating. It would be so easy to go back to trailer trash mother-in-law costume but I think I want something different this year. I've thought about a gypsy, Cleopatra and a princess from the days of Prince Arthur. What do y'all think I should be?

I'm off to bed but I'll be back! :-)

The Krazy Kraft Lady is having a giveaway and I want to win!!!

2010-09-02T20:55:00.000-05:00

I guess I need to come up with something to have for a giveaway. All of my favorite blogs are doing them. Denise aka The Krazy Kraft Lady creates some of my favorite primitive work. I love primitives. If you don't believe it, just take a walk through my house! Anyway, back to the giveaway... Denise is giving away some adorable Fall and Christmas ornies. They will make a great addition it any home, especially mine!

The winner will receive a 'Mouse In Pumpkin', 'Mouse In Stocking Ornie', 'Snowman Ornie With Crochet Filled Pocket' and Santa Ornie as shown in photo above.

So hurry on over to The Krazy Kraft Lady for your chance to win!

Hot dog! More blog giveaways! Sign me up!

2010-09-01T01:01:00.000-05:00

Remember me telling y'all last week that I'm becoming addicted to blog giveaways? It's official now. I've got three to share with you.

First, ramble on over to my friend Cheri's blog, Maintaining My Piece. Her birthday is in September (mine is too!) and we have a chance to get the present! How cool is that? There will be 3 winners from anyone who leaves a comment with the word BIRTHDAY in it. The chance to win started August 31 and will run till September 21...her big day! Every comment gets you another entry. Cheri hasn't announced the prizes yet but I know that her work is outstanding so what ever she chooses will be beautiful and well made.

From Cheri's blog I found a link to another giveaway from SEW-lutions September is National Sewing Month and Sewing.org is having a daily giveaway. All you have to do is answer 3 simple questions, give them your contact informaton and you are automatically entered for every day. How easy is that? The National Sewing Month sponsors have donated prizes that will be given away every day throughout National Sewing Month. The giveaway of the day will be announced on the SEW-lutions blog each day.

I saved my favorite giveaway for last. It comes to us from Old Road Primitives . Kim is giving away a great Fall Meadow Mouse n' Witch Hat. It will come signed, dated and scented in a wonderful Fall scent! I really, really, really want this one! It will sit on my coffee table which is actually a primitive box that my grandfather made around 1919. He made it to use to pack the family's thinks in when they moved from Oklahoma to Ohio. Kim sells the patterns but I've got so much going on that I don't think I'll have the time to get it made. And I really, really, really want it. :-) This giveaway will run from August 31 until September 30th! The winner will be announced on Kim's Blog on October 1st!

I hope you enjoy visiting these blogs. They give you an idea of what I really enjoy - sewing, quilting and primitives

Till next time,

Cynthia

I'm becoming addicted to blog giveaways!!

2010-08-21T23:27:00.000-05:00

Google reader is becoming my downfall. I'm sure I'm not the only one but I wonder if others are as bad as I am. I decided the other day that I was following too many blogs so I went through and deleted the ones that I didn't remember why I decided to follow them in the first place. Unfortunately, when I was reading the ones I kept, I begin finding other blogs that had giveaways going.

Today's find was at Canton Village Quilt Works where they are giving away a Go! Machine courtesy of the folks at Accuquilt. I would love, love, love to have one of these but they are way out of my price range. So when I saw this, I immediately start entering all four of the allowed times. :-)

This giveaway will be open through midnight Eastern Time on August 26. You can get multiple entries by leaving a comment, blogging about the giveaway, "like" AccuQuilt on Facebook and become a follower of the blog.

Hop on over and enter to win but don't plan on it. My name is already on that cutter!

It's a giveaway!!!

2010-08-20T01:46:00.000-05:00

Not here but over at Emily Burger's wonderful blog. Emily has taken a yard of her custom designed "Pink Forest" fabric and cut it into quarters so four winners can make something awesome with it! I can see this as a dress for my granddaughters, as part of a quilt or maybe even something fun for me!

I encourage you to go over and take a look at her beautiful fabrics. It would be really easy for me to spend several month's worth of my fabric budget there. :-)

It's about time, no it's past time, for me to hit the hay. Bill's been long gone but I was determined to get through my blogs in Google Reader. Have a wonderful day/night and don't forget to run over to Emily's blog and sign up for your chance to win. She'll choose the winner randomly from random.org on Saturday morning.

Check out Self-Stitched-September over at So Zo!

2010-08-18T21:49:00.000-05:00

I am woefully behind on emails and blog posts in Google Reader. As I sit here with my feet propped up catching up in Google Reader, I was reading "Communing with Fabric" and Shams mentioned a fun blog called "So Zo..." One reason I stay behind is that I'll read where the writer mentioned another blog and I go there and well... you get the idea.

Back in May, Zoe did a Me-Made-May where around 80 people set the goal of wearing at least one item that they made themselves. With September coming around she's come up with a new project. Here's what Zoe had to say:

Those of you who may have picked up on my predisposition towards alliteration made have seen this one coming, but I would like to present....... Self-Stitched-September! The title is a bit more of a mouthful than its cousin Me-Made-May, but effective enough I believe. In case you were wondering, I did consider Self-Sewn-September but realised that moniker would prohibit the inclusion of knitted or crocheted items, which would be a tragedy.

I've taken on the challenge by posting that 'I, Cynthia, (http://ramblingthoughtsofasouthernlady.blogspot.com/), sign up as a participant of Self-Stitched-September. I endeavor to wear at least one handmade or refashioned item of clothing every day for the duration of September 2010'.

I've been collecting patterns all summer when Hancock's have their pattern sales and need some new clothes due to a 30 lb weight loss I've not been able to get motivated to sew so I signed up to give me the motivation to get my clothes done. Join me in the fun and to go to her blog and check it out - SoZo, What Do You Know - Join Self-Stitched-September . If you do join in, please let us know how it goes and post some of your pictures here. I'll be posting mine.

I'm off to see what else I can find fun in the blog world. Maybe I'll set a record for number of posts in one day. :-)

Fibro Pain Ramblings...

2010-08-18T17:27:00.000-05:00

What a day! Yesterday afternoon my fibro slapped me up side of the face and said, “Hello! Like it or not, I’m here.” My pain level shot up through the roof and put me down in the floor. Guess it thought I forgot about having fibro. Like that’s possible. I went to bed and slept, got up and had dinner with my darling hubby and then went to sleep some more. It’s 4:30 and I’ve had two naps today – long naps of 3 or 4 hours each. Truth be told, I wouldn’t have gotten up had I not had a phone meeting scheduled with my case advocate in my attorney’s office. She was filling out even more forms for my Social Security Disability appeal. Alicia is my hero today because I think I would have pulled my hair out answering those questions if I had to sit down and fill out the SSD forms myself. Just talking to her was exhausting but I was so proud that the fibro fog didn’t kick in and I was able to answer all her questions. We didn’t even have to play the guessing game over what word I was trying to remember or anything like that. Sad that I’m excited about that isn’t it? I forget what percentage of my back pay they get, but it’s worth it just to not have to fool with it. She said they have a 96% success rate and I certainly hope I’m not one of the 4%. While I doubt I get any more money than I’m getting with my LTD insurance claim, it will be nice to have it done and over with.

My pain level is frustrating me so much as is the fatigue. The heat has been horrendous and I am staying inside as much as I possibly can. The heat has made the fatigue so much worse. Usually, I can work through the pain if I have to but there is no way to work through fatigue. If it was a life and death situation, I guess I’d be on the death side. My pain even with medication is up towards 10 today. It’s time for another pain pill. I hate taking them because I know that I will eventually get to where I have to take stronger meds the more I take. But what do you do? Do you hurt and lay in bed or do you take the meds and have some sort of a life?

The myofascial pain has been awful for the last few weeks as well. The pain from my knees down has been the worse pain. My arms are tender to touch and sometimes I hurt my self just by scratching. But my legs, oh my! On top of everything else I have severe edema and need to wear compression hose. Problem is, some times the CMP is so bad that I can’t stand the compression hose touching my skin. When this happens, I normally can’t stand the pain of putting them on. Even with the hose, my lower legs and ankles swell a lot. Without them, below my knee resembles a light pole – no calves, no ankles, just a round pole. And of course, they hurt so I spend my time with them propped up as much as I can.

On my two denials from SSD, they said that they believed I could no longer function as a paralegal or a secretary but that I could be a store clerk. Would someone please tell me, how I’m supposed to be a store clerk? I don’t think I’ve ever been anywhere that the clerks could sit down and prop their feet up or take a nap when the fatigue was just too much. I’m also wondering if they think that store clerks don’t have to remember things. One of my memory problems is that I can not retain what I learn. Teach me today and by Saturday, not only will I not remember how to do it, I won’t remember you teaching me to do it. With that problem, how am I supposed to learn to run a cash register, store rules, etc.

I’ve often heard it said that SSD turns you down 2 or 3 times just because they think you’ll go away and they’ll save money. This Southern Lady ain’t going away so they need to approve me and quit wasting everyone’s time. I’m tired, I hurt but I’m not going away. I’ve worked hard since I was 17 years old. I’ve put in my time, and now it’s time to get some of it back. I use to know someone who joined the Navy, got yelled at in boot camp and had a nervous breakdown. (I personally think he deserves an Academy Award for his acting but that’s another story.) Last time I was in contact with this person, they were getting over $20,000 a year in VA benefits. If that BS can be approved, then SSD shouldn’t have a hard time approving me.

I am climbing down from my soap box and rambling on to do something in the house. Until tomorrow folks may you pain be low and your spirits high.

Trusting God with our Pain

2010-07-03T11:50:00.000-05:00

God has an open door policy. At anytime, day or night, 24/7/365, we are free to come to Him for comfort in bad times or to rejoice with Him in good times. And unlike doctors offices there is no line. We don't have to spend time in the waiting room. For those of us with Fibromyalgia, it seems like we go to Him more for comfort from the unrelenting pain that is a constant part of our life than rejoicing. However, if we trust Him, we can rejoice in our pain.

When your life has been changed irreversibly as ours has, it is sometimes hard to trust God that His is the right path for our lives. Part of learning to trust God is learning to trust that He will lead us and keep us on what may not be an easy path but it is a safe one. Sheila Walsh described it as being “in the shoes of a child, learning to take one step at a time; as a child looks into the eyes of her mother to see if she’s doing it right.” We must learn to set our gaze on God and trust Him because He will catch us if we fall.

Sometimes the pain is so great that we cannot even pray. This may be physical pain or it may be pain caused by a loved one or a stranger. We may even doubt for a moment that He is really there. God has provided for us when that occurs. Romans 8: 25- 27 reminds us:

“But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.”

There have been so many times when this was all I could do. The pain was so severe that all I could say was “Lord, please help me.” Many times, I felt that His answer to me was to wait, to be patient. There was a reason for my pain. Other times the horrible pain was taken away as I finally slept for the first time in days. God always answers our prayers. Sometimes the prayers aren’t answered as we would like them to be but He always answers them in His way, in His time.

Stress and depression is another part of our fight. Stress from not having a doctor, family or friends who understand that we really are in pain from a very real disease is very common. Stress from wondering how we will pay for our medications, groceries, mortgage or utilities because we can no longer work. Life becomes so dark around you that it is hard to see God’s light shining and even harder to trust Him to provide. That is when we go to the Proverbs to draw strength:

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.” Proverbs 3: 5-8

It is important to remember that God created us and He loves us. We must never loose sight of that. We are all called to be witnesses to God’s amazing love and care for us. Those of us who have chronic pain have a unique opportunity to share our faith. We have the amazing opportunity to show that even when things are not at their best, the Lord provides and our faith is strong. How we share His love, claim His promises and trust in Him, is our greatest witness.

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel your Savior; Do not be afraid, for I am with you." Isaiah 43: 2 -3 and 5a

You're invited

2010-07-02T23:40:00.000-05:00

to join us at Crafty Swapping Friends a Yahoo group where we swap a hand made goodie every month, we play Bingo :) and we have so many craft and gift ideas, you'll flip! Come and play with us :)

Trust

2010-07-02T15:47:00.000-05:00

This morning I began reading Sheila Walsh’s new book, Beautiful Things Happen When a Woman Trusts God. I’ve only read the introduction and first chapter but already see so many ways where her battle with depression parallels my battle with fibromyalgia. I have a hard time trusting because of things that happened in the past. I hope that when I finish this study, I will have learned to trust God more in my everyday life, to finally, once and for all, turn my life completely over to Him, trusting Him to direct my path even when I don’t understand where it is headed. I think I’ve always trusted God on the big stuff but the day to day stuff has been a challenge. Sheila says that waiting on his direction and trusting in his presence helps us to become more like Christ. I need patience as well as trust. I want the instant answers that I receive when I am in charge. Maybe the key to me trusting is to have patience to wait for his will to become clear to me.

Jesus wants us to trust him so completely that we no longer question anything that he puts into our hands or on the path he has chooses for our lives. That’s my biggest struggle right now. It’s hard to trust when your body rebels and you hurt so badly that you cannot pull your self out of bed for days on end. It’s hard to trust when your mind is so foggy that you can’t remember the next word in the sentence. It’s hard to trust that all will be well when your income is cut in half and the bills go up. It’s hard to trust when the bill collectors are calling. It’s hard to trust when you aren’t able to do the things you use to. You get the picture.

Job wrote that “Yes, God does these things again and again for people. He rescues them up from the grave.” Job 33:29-30 (NLT) Isn’t that wonderful news? Over and over God is there for us and will pick us up when we fall or when someone turns against us.

Sometimes in the process of learning to trust, we suffer. We don’t like to suffer. Who would? And who would believe that suffering can be helpful? The Bible tells us that suffering truly can be helpful so I work toward finding that help. Suffering is helpful if we turn to God for understanding, endurance and deliverance. Turning from him will only make things worse and harden our hearts. When we lay our suffering at his feet, we are able to learn from a trustworthy God. When allow ourselves to learn from God, it prepares us to accept help from others who are obeying God’s order to help others.

“When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them. Always, be eager to practice hospitality”. Romans 12:13 (NLT)

“Here are some of the parts God has appointed for the church…those who can help others”. 1 Corinthians 12:28 (NLT)

In Joshua 1:5, God assures Joshua that He will be there for him just like he was for Moses. He promised … I will not fail you nor abandon you. Aren’t those beautiful words? God is here with us every step of the way. I think about how Joshua must have felt following in Moses footsteps. As the saying goes, those were some big shoes to fill. Joshua went from being an assistant to being the person who would finally lead the Israelites into the Promised Land – all two million of them. I’m sure that he must have felt overwhelmed. God always reminded him to be strong, courageous and follow God’s word for direction. That’s what we need to do as well. Joshua 1:7 – 9 tells us:

"Be strong and courageous. Be careful to obey all the instructions Moses gave you. Do not deviate from them, turning either to the right or to the left. Then you will be successful in everything you do. Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do. This is my command – be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord you God is with you wherever you go.” (NLT)

Lifetime Contracts - some we choose and some are chosen for us.

2010-06-28T04:11:00.000-05:00

Fibro came by tonight. It’s Sunday night and Fibro seems to think that insomnia is a good thing on Sunday nights, so she brought some by and forced it on me. I did everything I could today to not anger her but apparently it wasn’t enough. I came straight home from church and changed into loose fitting clothes. I didn’t do any housework or anything like that. The only thing I did was sit at the sewing machine and enjoy myself. I even got up and moved around and didn't sit there for long at a time.

Fibro was really nice. Well, at least she thinks she’s being nice. Fibro reminded me that she took care of that job that I had to get up and go to. Now all I have to do is lie around, hurt and be tired all the time so why not stay up all night. I loved my job. I worked so hard to become a paralegal. I love the law and contracts are my favorite thing to do. Talking to the recruiters and the potential employees was so much fun. I enjoyed preparing their draft contracts and that let me know that I had chosen the right career. I will admit that I had the worse boss I had ever had in my professional career. The co-workers weren’t so great either. All I wanted to do was work a year so I had experience and then look for a job with a law firm. But no, Fibro couldn’t stand that I had plans for my future. She had to stick her nose in my business and start taking away my memory. Slowly she would sneak a bit of information out here and there until I couldn’t remember something from Monday to Wednesday. Then Fibro snuck the pain in. I could never get comfortable in my chair. My back and legs hurt all the time and my hands would go to sleep if I held the phone in one hand for too long. But she wasn’t happy with that. Oh, no. She wanted really show me what all she had to give me. The pain got worse and worse until finally I could barely get dressed in the morning. And the fatigue, Fibro threw a lot of fatigue in the mix. When I finally got dressed and made it to work, the parking lot was yet another obstacle to face. Walking to the building seemed like climbing Mt. Everest. I could barely pick my feet up because I guess Fibro put concrete in my shoes because they had to weigh 500 lbs. So many times, I thought I was going to have to sit down in the street and rest to make in on in. Seems I have a life time contract with Fibro with no loop holes to void the contract. She’s here to stay. There’s nothing that I can do but watch her continue her hostile takeover of my body.

I have other lifetime contracts but they are not like my contract with Fibro. I chose to make them and they give me joy and happiness, not pain and sorrow.

I have my marriage contract with Bill. I love carrying that out. I have the most wonderful, loving husband who does all he can to care for me when Fibro drops by. In a way, Bill has a contract with Fibro too. She’s taken so many of my hopes and dreams for the future and they were his hopes and dreams too. We are a team, bound together by our love and our vow to God to be with each other “in sickness and health, till death do us part”. He says I’m not a burden but I sure feel that way. My Bill is always there for me even if he doesn’t know what to say. After all, what is there to say about Fibro.

Then there’s my contract with my children. I have two of the most wonderful children that I mother could ask for. They have taken care of me through my emotionally abusive marriage to their father and were there supporting me when I finally took their advice and ended it. They were there with me when I was living on my own for the first time in my life. And they are here for me now that Fibro is a part of my life. They help to take up the slack and pitch in and help with the things that I can do longer do around here. Like Bill, they’ve never done anything to make me feel that they love me less or consider me a burden to have to help now that Fibro is part of our family.

My last lifetime contract is the greatest of all. It’s my contract with Jesus, my personal savior. I can’t imagine what it must have been like during Jesus’ time on earth to actually be in His presence and hear His voice. The people of His day were able to say “Now we believe, not just because of what you have told us, but because we have heard Him ourselves. Now we know that He is indeed the Savior of the world.” (John 4:42) I’ve not heard Him like they did but I have heard Him as He talks to me through his Word and in my heart. I believe that He loves me unconditionally and one day I will live with Him in a wonderful, pain free body in a glorious world free of sickness and full of joy. I know that He hears me when the pain and stress of Fibro is too hard to bear and I cry out to Him. I feel His loving arms around me holding me close. His “promise revives me; it comforts me in my troubles”. (Psalm 119:50)

It’s not for me to know or understand why I was given the contract with Fibromyalgia to bear on this earth. I do know that God has a reason and I pray that in some small way I am able to carry out the work He has called me to.

Psalm 72 and Revelation 13 - Got your attention?

2010-05-05T18:17:00.000-05:00

Today I read Psalm 72. It was written by Solomon, David’s son. In this Psalm a king asks God to help his son rule the nation justly and wisely. I immediately thought how wonderful it would be if the president of our country and Congress would ask God for the same help. I usually stay away from political debate because to be honest, sometimes I can’t remember why I support a particular candidate. I can assure you that I read about the candidates, listen to their platform and make a decision. With my short term memory problems, many, no most, times I don’t remember what led me to that decision. So this is tricky ground for me but I feel led to say it.

The Psalm lists the qualities of a good leader. Some of them are that he/she should judge the people rightly, stand up for the poor and the children, come down hard on cruel tyrants, let righteousness burst into bloom and worship the Lord. Can we say that our leaders in Washington have any of these qualities? I don’t believe that we can about most of them. God desires rulers to be just and righteous. Think how much the United States would change if our leaders would commit to being just and righteous.

In 1 John 2 we read of the antichrists that will come before the tribulation. In John’s day there were antichrists who claimed a faith in God but were denying and opposing Christ. This is impossible to do because Christ is God’s son, the Messiah and our salvation. To deny Christ is to reject God’s way of revealing himself to the world. The Message translation of verse 2 says:

So who is lying here? It’s the person who denies that Jesus in the Divine Christ, that’s who. This is what makes an antichrist: denying the Father, denying the Son.”

I believe that we have many people in our government who fit this description including the person in the Oval Office. 2 Thessalonians 2 speaks to the “Man of Lawlessness”. This person will “defy and then take over every so-called god or altar. Having cleared away the opposition, he’ll then set himself up in God’s Temple as “God Almighty”.

Satan tempted Jesus in the wilderness because he wanted to rule the world through Jesus. When Jesus refused all the temptations presented him, Satan had to start over. In Revelation 13 the person that Satan chooses to take Jesus place and run the world for him is depicted as a beast out of the sea to which Satan gives political power. There will also be a beast out of the earth that will do great miracles. These two beasts will work together to capture control over the whole earth. My study notes have this to say:

“Because the beast, the Antichrist, is a false messiah, he will be a counterfeit of Christ and will even stage a false resurrection. People will follow and worship him because they will be awed by his power and miracles. He will unite the world under his leadership and he will control the world economy. People are impressed by power and follow those who display it forcefully or offer it to their follower. But those who follow the beast will only be fooling themselves. He will use his power to manipulate others, to point to himself and to promote evil plans. God by contrast, uses his infinitely greater power to love and to build up. Don’t be misled by claims of great miracles or reports about a resurrection or reincarnation of someone claiming to be Christ. When Jesus returns, he will reveal himself to everyone.”

Sound like anyone in Washington?

The peace of the Lord be with you always.

He is our Rock

2010-05-04T14:50:00.000-05:00

This morning I read Psalm 61 and 62. In Psalm 61:2, David cried to God when his heart was overwhelmed. This reminded me so much of how I feel some days with the pain and fatigue that I have from the fibro. It seems like there are days when I have so much that HAS to be done and those are the days when I am so overwhelmed because of how bad I hurt and how tired I am. Just like God answered David, I believe that he will answer my prayers and yours. In return all he asks is that we accept his Son as our savior, love and honor him and fulfill promises that we make to him each day. Personally I know how hard that is sometimes.

Psalm 62 begins with David talking about waiting. He says

“I wait quietly before God; for my victory comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will never be shaken.”

David goes on to talk about how he has many enemies that are trying to kill him. Then he reminds himself and us to wait quietly before God because our hope is with Him. I have thought so much about my Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Chronic Myofascial Pain, Neuropathy and Edema. I see my illness as the enemies trying to kill me. None of them will physically kill me but emotionally… Emotionally these illnesses will bring down the strongest person. Many, many times the question of “why?” comes to mind. I find myself asking what I did wrong to deserve this horrible pain and fatigue for the rest of my life. I’ve come to realize that the truth is that I’ve done nothing wrong.

God has a reason for me to be going through this right now. There is a task that I have to do that I can only accomplish suffering from pain and fatigue. I don’t know what it is yet and I may never get a specific answer to why and what. But like King David, God is my refuge and my strength and I will sing praises to His name forever.

May the Peace of the Lord be with you always.

There ain't nothing like being on the back of a Harley!

2010-05-04T14:23:00.000-05:00

It is so great to see all the sunshine again today! Yesterday I finally got to ride the Harley for the first time in over a year. My fibro was so horrible last summer that I could not get on the bike, much less go for a ride. The only thing that gives me the same feeling as riding the bike is to be out on the water in the boat. Both give me so much in the line of stress relief. There’s something about having the wind in your face and being out in God’s beautiful world. When we are on the bike I see things that I may have driven by 50 times but just don’t notice it when riding in a cage (car). On the bike and on the boat, I feel like I’m experiencing nature as God intended. I don’t think that he intended for us to be closed inside buildings and cars and not spend time in the world that he created. I really wish that my fibro would let me go tent camping but I have to settle for the back yard and a blanket looking up at the sky. Wish I felt safe enough in this jungle they call Memphis to sleep out there.

I’m busy sewing away and way behind. My friend Thelma and I are going to share a booth at the craft show in Olive Branch this weekend. My pain levels have been doing pretty good but my fatigue has been horrible. When I’m tired I can’t think and to do a good job sewing, I’ve got to have a clear head to follow the instructions. As Roseann Roseannadanna use to say – if it ain’t one thing then it’s another.

I’m back to sewing after a quick sandwich for lunch. Y’all keep me in your prayers that I will have sufficient stock for this weekend. Catch you tomorrow!

Psalm 56

2010-05-03T12:31:00.000-05:00

Most days my Bible reading comes from the Daily Office Lectionary found in the Book of Common Prayer. The readings are on a two-year cycle, so they are the same every other year. I always find it amazing how some days the readings are exactly what I need to hear that day.

This morning the first reading came from Psalm 56 and it jumped out like it was written by David just for me. With chronic pain, being forced to retire because of it and the financial implications that came with that, it’s real easy to worry and be afraid of what the day may bring. David also knew that feeling but he learned to trust in God’s care in the midst of fear. I need to learn, remember and apply the lesson like David did - that when all seems dark, God is for us. I've heard all my life that if God is for us, those against us will never succeed. The Message translation of verses 3 and 4 says:

When I get really afraid I come to you in trust. I’m proud to praise God; fearless now, I trust in God. What can mere mortals do?

We should never doubt that God is watching over us even when it seems we are alone. Verse 8 tells us:

You’ve kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights. Each tear is entered in your ledger, each ache written in your book.

The study notes in my Bible had this to say about verse 8 – “Instead of spending a sleepless night worrying about what he (David) cannot change, he uses those wakeful hours to meditate on an expression suitable for the world. David’s example shows us how to turn times of stress into times of blessing by considering God’s faithfulness in comparison with our fleeting problems. Why worry when you can invest that time in praise?”

I’ll end with verses 12 and 13:

God, you did everything you promised, and I’m thanking you with all my heart. You pulled me from the brink of death, my feet from the cliff-edge of doom. Now I stroll at leisure with God in the sunlit fields of life.

Thanks be to God,

Cynthia

Starting over on my 2010 goals

2010-05-03T10:44:00.000-05:00

One of my 2010 goals was to start a blog and write in it every day. Ok, I started it so I marked it off the list. Somehow life got in the way and the "write in it every day" part of the goal has been seriously lacking. Of the 31 days in January, I wrote 7 times. Not quiet every day.  And I went downhill from there – 4 entries in February and only 2 in March. April, well… So here I am to start over on my goal. It’s been my intention all along to write about my feelings on living in chronic pain so I’m going to do that. I’m also going to add my thoughts on my daily Bible readings and my journey to become a sewing/quilting machine! I always said when I retired I was going to start sewing seriously and learn to quilt. I’ve been retired a year now so it’s time to make good on that long time goal. So here we go. I’m off to become a regular blogger! I hope you’ll come along for the ride.

Speaking of riding – The sun is out and I’m betting I can twist Bill’s arm and get him to take me out on the Harley this afternoon. I’m also betting that I don’t have to twist much at all. LOL

God is always with us

2010-03-29T16:09:00.000-05:00

I wrote this today in response to a friend who is sure God is ignoring her and holding her past against her. I think it's easy to feel that way sometimes because God doesn't always answer the way we want him to. We need to be thankful that He watches out for us and sometimes says "no" to our prayers because He knows that what we want at the time is not the best thing for us.

God is not ignoring you and He is not holding your past against you. Absolutely nothing in this world can separate us from the love of God. You are His child and He loved you before you were ever born. There are two things that we must do – confess that Jesus is His only son who came down from heaven and suffered on the cross to take the punishment for our sins and confess our sins. He does not hold your past against you as long as you acknowledge the mistakes you made and truly seek his forgiveness. 1 John 1:9 says that “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” The Message says it this way – “…if we admit our sins – make a clean breast of them – He won’t let us down; He’ll be true to Himself. He’ll forgive our sins and purge us of all wrongdoing.”

Sometimes the answer to our prayer may be "no" or "not now" because that is what is best for us. Sometimes the answers to our prayers are so subtle that if we don’t look for them, we miss them. They may be answered differently from what we expected. Sometimes we are given a burden that we don’t know how we can handle it but with His help we can. I believe that we can choose as Paul did to “learn to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether being in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength. (Philippians 3:11b -13)

God is full of grace. He doesn’t withhold things that are good for us. He will show us the way and provide for our needs. We have to trust him when the fulfillment of our needs and prayers aren’t the way we imagined them to be. He always does what is right, in order to fulfill His purpose and desires. My security comes from His absolute sovereignty. I really believe that sometimes we have to go through those valleys in order to learn the lessons we need to live on the mountain top.