What a day! Yesterday afternoon my fibro slapped me up side of the face and said, “Hello! Like it or not, I’m here.” My pain level shot up through the roof and put me down in the floor. Guess it thought I forgot about having fibro. Like that’s possible. I went to bed and slept, got up and had dinner with my darling hubby and then went to sleep some more. It’s 4:30 and I’ve had two naps today – long naps of 3 or 4 hours each. Truth be told, I wouldn’t have gotten up had I not had a phone meeting scheduled with my case advocate in my attorney’s office. She was filling out even more forms for my Social Security Disability appeal. Alicia is my hero today because I think I would have pulled my hair out answering those questions if I had to sit down and fill out the SSD forms myself. Just talking to her was exhausting but I was so proud that the fibro fog didn’t kick in and I was able to answer all her questions. We didn’t even have to play the guessing game over what word I was trying to remember or anything like that. Sad that I’m excited about that isn’t it? I forget what percentage of my back pay they get, but it’s worth it just to not have to fool with it. She said they have a 96% success rate and I certainly hope I’m not one of the 4%. While I doubt I get any more money than I’m getting with my LTD insurance claim, it will be nice to have it done and over with.
My pain level is frustrating me so much as is the fatigue. The heat has been horrendous and I am staying inside as much as I possibly can. The heat has made the fatigue so much worse. Usually, I can work through the pain if I have to but there is no way to work through fatigue. If it was a life and death situation, I guess I’d be on the death side. My pain even with medication is up towards 10 today. It’s time for another pain pill. I hate taking them because I know that I will eventually get to where I have to take stronger meds the more I take. But what do you do? Do you hurt and lay in bed or do you take the meds and have some sort of a life?
The myofascial pain has been awful for the last few weeks as well. The pain from my knees down has been the worse pain. My arms are tender to touch and sometimes I hurt my self just by scratching. But my legs, oh my! On top of everything else I have severe edema and need to wear compression hose. Problem is, some times the CMP is so bad that I can’t stand the compression hose touching my skin. When this happens, I normally can’t stand the pain of putting them on. Even with the hose, my lower legs and ankles swell a lot. Without them, below my knee resembles a light pole – no calves, no ankles, just a round pole. And of course, they hurt so I spend my time with them propped up as much as I can.
On my two denials from SSD, they said that they believed I could no longer function as a paralegal or a secretary but that I could be a store clerk. Would someone please tell me, how I’m supposed to be a store clerk? I don’t think I’ve ever been anywhere that the clerks could sit down and prop their feet up or take a nap when the fatigue was just too much. I’m also wondering if they think that store clerks don’t have to remember things. One of my memory problems is that I can not retain what I learn. Teach me today and by Saturday, not only will I not remember how to do it, I won’t remember you teaching me to do it. With that problem, how am I supposed to learn to run a cash register, store rules, etc.
I’ve often heard it said that SSD turns you down 2 or 3 times just because they think you’ll go away and they’ll save money. This Southern Lady ain’t going away so they need to approve me and quit wasting everyone’s time. I’m tired, I hurt but I’m not going away. I’ve worked hard since I was 17 years old. I’ve put in my time, and now it’s time to get some of it back. I use to know someone who joined the Navy, got yelled at in boot camp and had a nervous breakdown. (I personally think he deserves an Academy Award for his acting but that’s another story.) Last time I was in contact with this person, they were getting over $20,000 a year in VA benefits. If that BS can be approved, then SSD shouldn’t have a hard time approving me.
I am climbing down from my soap box and rambling on to do something in the house. Until tomorrow folks may you pain be low and your spirits high.
